by Eve Tierney

Created on: November 05, 2009   Last Updated: April 04, 2011

At some point in our lives, most of us have seen a relationship end. Sometimes these endings come with a sense of relief, of knowing the ending was best for all people concerned,  while others can be source of intense emotional discomfort and despair. Whether it is the pain of loss and separation from a cherished loved one, feelings of failure and guilt, or devastation of being abandoned or discarded, we have to find a way to get on with our lives. Here are a few ideas to help deal with the loss of a relationship.

Take a time out

Take some time to experience your pain. Give yourself the space, time, and permission to grieve. You may wish to withdraw for a while, and this is completely normal and healthy. The time you give yourself will allow you to examine your feelings, to process your relationship, and to come to terms with its ending. Many people are tempted to skip this step and throw themselves into a social scene, but it is better to go out and socialize incrementally as you become less raw. This will keep you from getting into complicated emotional situations when you are not ready to deal with them.

Find support

In the process of dealing with your grief, it may be helpful to allow your friends and family members to be there for you. Seek out your most trusted and supportive friends for conversations or quiet comfort and company. Chances are they've been where you are, and will be empathetic to your feelings. As you are confronting and processing your grief after your breakup, it is reassuring to know you are still loved and cared for, even if it isn't by your ex. Communicating can be amazingly therapeutic, not just for what you share, but also for what you may receive.

Explore your options

Your life is on a new path. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, why not take this time to try things you've always wanted to do? Filling your time with things you love will give you a sense of relief and purpose, and even confidence. In the give and take of relationships, there was bound to have been something you put aside that you'd love to do. Why not do it? Take a class, go on a vacation, adopt a pet, learn to paint, read that trilogy you always meant to read but never got around to, or pick up a once-loved hobby. Indulge your curiosity and creative side-it will create positive healing emotions.

Learn

Breakups are opportunities for intense learning sessions-which is part of why they hurt so much. You learn about yourself, your relationship, your ex, sometimes even older relationships emerge from your memory and offer new insight. After you've grieved and entered the world a little, most likely you will begin to learn from your experience. Allow yourself to see patterns, to make amends, and to embrace whatever knowledge may emerge. If you like to read, take the opportunity to seek out books that deal with whatever lesson you may be grappling with. If you like to write, jot your ideas down, you'll have a lot to say! Chat with a wise friend or acquaintance and bounce ideas off of them. Put your insight to use. It will not only help you heal, but will make you a whole and productive person.

Take your time

And, finally, take as long as you need to deal with your feelings. It is your breakup and your life, and only you will know for sure when you'll be ready to date again. Remember that every breakup is different, just as every relationship is different, and take heart; just because you've been hurt doesn't mean the next time will be the same. Allowing yourself time to heal will help you to see other people more clearly and will help you feel good about your choices. Healing is a painful process, but it is incredibly rewarding. Allow yourself to experience it at your own pace.

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