by Kim Russell

Created on: November 04, 2009   Last Updated: November 05, 2009

Please do not stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the children. You, as parents, are their role models for the future adults that they will become. Do you really want them thinking that this is the right type of marriage for them? When they get to the point in their lives when they want to "settle down," hopefully, they will not "settle" for this type of dysfunctional relationship.

Little ears and eyes hear and see it all, whether parents are aware of it or not. They are more intuitive than we could ever be in our old age. They pick up on signals that we would miss all day long. You may think you are hiding the truth from them, but, trust me, you are not. As parents, you have an incredible burden and responsibility. You are raising the parents of your grandchildren. And they are likely to create an adult home environment that very much mimics their childhood home environment. The research tells us that children know more about the dynamics of their parents' relationship than the parents know themselves. Read Dr. Gary Neuman's book, Sandcastles, if you have any doubt. The children's art therapy work alone should convince you.

Do your research and I think you will discover that couples who have worked through their marital difficulties end up on the other side with a much stronger, functional relationship. Remember, though, the two people that created the problem cannot possibly fix the problem. Seek professional help from a good, qualified marriage or family therapist. Do the necessary work and keep the promise that you made on the day you got married, when you were young and in love. For the sake of the children. If you do not have children, do whatever makes you happy. You are a grown up and your actions only affect your. But if you have children, you have more important things to be concerned about.

Children of divorce are particularly traumatized, no matter what the circumstances. I will not quote all the research here, but, if you doubt what I'm saying, go to divorcemag.com and do the research yourself. Children of a functioning, intact home have a much better chance in life of being successful in all areas of adulthood.

I am not suggesting that you stay in a dangerous situation for the sake of the children. For heaven's sake, no! Get out. Get away. Get help. But remember, you are the one that made the decision to get into that relationship, now you must help your children recover as best they can and grow up as emotionally healthy as possible.

We are a society that has come to treat relationships as disposable. When there are children involved, we should treat the relationship more as "recyclable." If it can be saved, save it. Your children will be better off for it. But, please, if it wasn't clear the first time, seek professional help. And remember, its not the crazy people who go to therapy; it's the crazy people who don't go when they need to. Love your children. Try to see life through their eyes. Do what is in their best interest.

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