The key to assisting your child with their homework is to know the line between helping and doing.

Assisting your child with their homework is a noble effort, but one that can easily backfire as your children get older. What you might intend as helpful for your five year old, could send all the wrong messages to your eight-year-old. Recognizing how much help is too much is the key to teaching your child the life long tools for academic success.

While it might seem that the parent who sits down with their child at the kitchen table and offers their undivided attention is providing their child with support and encouragement, the very opposite may well be happening. Instead of hearing I'm here for you, your child might be interpreting your involvement as mom or dad don't think I can do it on my own. As they internalize this feeling they surely will live up to the low standard they are setting for themselves. Rather than seeing them take off and fly, you might be accidentally stepping on their wings.

Here are three tips from parenting expert John Rosemond drawn from his book Ending the Homework Hassle (1990).

A All By Myself Allowing your children to work by themselves encourages them that you believe they can do it! It eliminates distractions and prevents you from accidentally hovering. According to Rosemond, children should be given a quiet place to do their work away from the noise and distractions of the rest of the home. A desk in a spare room or their bedroom is ideal.

B. Back Off With your child working in a quiet space you have the privilege of allowing them to succeed on their own merit. This means you are not standing or sitting by their side. Instead you are able to do what needs doing during the after school and dinner hours without also doing your child's homework with them. This approach teaches your child that you believe they can succeed. You are still available as a consultant to clarify instructions or answer short questions, at your child's request, but you do not need to be there the entire time.

C. Call it Quits Set a time when homework is to be finished. If it is not finished at that time, books are put away and the child deals with the consequences at school. This may sound harsh, but it encourages good time management skills and eliminates the need for the all night homework marathon.

Following these tips allows your child to succeed in school, with your help, but still on their own. And the personal reward of succeeding on your own far outweigh those of leaning on mom and dad.

Learn more about this author, Lynn-Nore Chittom.
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