by Jael Ravalyn

Created on: November 04, 2009

I simply do not have the DISCIPLINE to be an alcoholic. Don't scoff. I am serious. What is wrong with me?

Many people will not even have a beer because alcoholism "runs in the family." Can someone tell me what happens if one of these people accidentally, I don't know, takes a bite of alcohol basted food that hasn't had all the liquor cooked out yet? Is it like the Hulk? "You wouldn't want to see me after an ill-made rum cake. Drunk smash you!"

No, I have heard, alcoholism is a serious problem. Not one I have any threat of contracting, however. Contracting? Is that the right word? It is a disease, right? Wait; is it communicable?

If I "caught" this disease could I be, like, latently disqualified? You know, like voted out of an AA meeting? Because I think they would be on to me. Even if Alcoholism is communicable, I do not think it would solve my inability to keep up with the responsibility of being a drunk. It is not a Super Villain Disease that can and must do a total K-O of a person's system. Because, I cannot figure it out. How can alcoholics become alcoholics and then subsequently maintain it? Really, isn't that a requirement, "alcoholics are ALWAYS alcoholics?" Assuming, of course, spontaneous generation-the sudden appearance of organisms not previously present-is still a disproved scientific notion; would the theory gain revival with Alcoholism as the missing catalyst to the random appearance of the necessary fermentation entities that leach onto the first available item for the conversion into booze for the alcoholic to consume? If liquor does not, indeed, spontaneously appear, then don't drunks have to BUY their drinks?

To get the money to buy booze within the unbendable bounds of the law, I would need:

1) to be of legal age in most jurisdictions

2) have the money to make the purchase

This begs the notion of obtaining the means to gain the necessary currency for such a transaction, yes? As in a job? So, then, assuming gaining employment, performing the job, getting paid, buying the alcohol to become a drunk...how does one keep said job?

I mean alcoholics are, well, frequently drunk, and, therefore, too chemically incapacitated to:

1) operate heavy machinery 2) drive a car 3) have a baby (so that the alcoholism can be perpetuated "in the family")

Right? So beyond that first paycheck or maybe first few, how can a person maintain the employment to sustain the income to buy the liquor to destroy the life that somehow inebriation left room for gaining

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