by Robert Owens

Created on: November 02, 2009

That nice guys finish last, it would seem should be "Old World" wisdom by now. We are all familiar regrettably so in many circumstances with a stone-hearted jerk sweeping some ones "True Love" off her feet and then abusing her. It is a sad truth that often times nice guys are left standing in the rain. But if we desire to enjoy romance and relationships must we become "bad" ? The answer that is an unequivocal "No"! But the difference must be learned between "Nice" and "Good". Women do not like "Jerks" because they abuse them. Not healthy women at least. Women are attracted to men of that caliber for many reasons that are beyond their control. Your typical "Jerk" has several attributes that distinguish him from most "Nice Guys" and make him vastly more appealing. They are usually self confident, and truly believe in themselves and they are worth the girls time. They possess the ability to walk away from a girl at any time and thus fail to radiate neediness or clinginess which is a great killer of any sexual chemistry. Jerks are often times self assured which is another highly attractive quality. But perhaps the biggest problem is that the common "nice guy" puts women on a pedestal. He devalues himself in an attempt to win her favor. The so called "Nice Guy" is also often awkward around women, stepping over himself in an effort to be overly polite and romantic which scares women away. Too much too soon is too common for the "Nice Guy". Nice Guys exhibit many weak traits that make him unattractive, however one can adopt stronger characteristics and develop high self esteem with out being immoral or "bad". Its a case of being "Good" instead of "Nice" and dropping self defeating behaviour. Evolutionary psychology shows a lot about what the different sexes find attractive and can illuminate why so called "Jerks" often defeat "Nice Guys" in getting the girl. If the positive attributes of the "Jerk" and the "Nice Guy" are kept however one will be much more successful then either the "Jerk" or "Nice Guy" alone.

Romance is not the only place the nice fall short. "Nice Guys" are also often ineffective leaders, being unable to confidently give commands believing they are right even when superiors and sometimes those under them challenge their orders. They are thinned skin and often passive aggressive. Their lack of confidence in themselves can inhibit the growth of their career because they refuse to take risks. The "Nice Guy" also exhibits traits which lead him to be preyed on by the "Not as Nice" and taken for granted by his co-workers. "Nice Guys" also are more likely to lose promotions or fail to even ask for them due to a lack of self confidence and belief in their own worth. Adopting stronger frames of mind and developing a sense of inner worth while becoming more assertive can lead to greater successes in the workplace and in the bedroom.

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