by Debbie Todd

Created on: November 01, 2009

There is a huge difference between those couples who find a partner online (either via a dedicated dating website or via one of the social networking websites) and couples who actually conduct a relationship online.

Finding a partner online makes perfect sense - you can register on a dating website and limit the search results by age, location, religion, income - you can put all sorts of limits in place in order to be introduced to people that you think would make a suitable partner. You can gain an introduction to many more prospective partners in this way than if you were to spend a night in the pub or join an adult education class in the hope of meeting new people. It is a logical (and probably cost-effective) way of finding a partner, as long as the proper safety precautions are followed when an actual meeting is organised.

The daters that aren't real couples are the ones who meet each other and conduct their relationships in the virtual worlds that are available online nowadays. I mean websites where you choose an avatar to represent yourself and go swanning (or indeed, rampaging) around fantasy landscapes interacting with other people's avatars. I think we've all seen the documentaries that have been shown in recent years featuring people who are conducting these online relationships. Real-life couples have actually split up as a result of one half of the couple conducting an online affair! In extreme cases, people have neglected their spouse and children as they get caught up in a virtual relationship that they consider to be more real than their real life. What should really be no more than a game becomes the most important aspect of some people's lives.

I consider the Internet an absolutely brilliant tool for accessing all sorts of information, corresponding with people I would never have otherwise met and friends who have moved far away. But using the Internet instead of having a real life and real relationships is a sad use of this valuable technology. I have recently started playing word games on Facebook and conducting matches with people from all over the world. It is challenging and fun and when I play the same person several times, I usually send them a few messages of appreciation, thanking them for the games. We will send short messages to each other and I consider these to be correspondence relationships, much like a penpal, but much more immediate. The friendly rivalry involved in these games is fun and creates an intellectual respect. However, I would not expect any of these relationships to become overly important to me and I would certainly not let them put any of my real life relationships with family and friends at risk.

Online relationships can be great for correspondence, but when it comes to dating, you really need to do it in person and in the real world.

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