by Carmel Brulez

Created on: November 01, 2009   Last Updated: November 02, 2009

SEX, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS: KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT

Most of us have a mixture of relationships in our life, usually this will be some family relationships, friendships, neighbours, colleagues and acquaintances that we just about know and may meet or bump into now and then. Because we are social creatures and love to listen and talk and interact we need relationships, without them we get lonely, reclusive and unhappy. A typical loner can happily exist without a lot of relationships and might spend all of their time with just one person or a lot of time on their own, but even they need some form of regular social contact and interaction at times.

When we choose a partner we try to pick someone who is available (well the sensible ones of us do), interesting, compatible, interested in us and good company. We then look for other qualities and benefits that we may get from the relationship. This will vary from person to person, depending on their personality, needs and lifestyle. Hence we find that one woman is seeking romance and passion and another one is a gold digger who is more concerned about the man's bank balance than whether or not he genuinely loves her.

Honest people will probably admit that they want a relationships that has love, romance and passion. It is just a few who are not into sex either because they are frigid or they have never found anyone they can let their guard down with and trust in that way and these prefer a platonic relationship. If this is so then they should not need a committed partner who is monogamous with them, not if they are not offering them sex, they would be fairer to simply have friends and family around them. Just because they are not into sex does not mean that their partner should be happy to forego it. Even if they are very lucky and find one who says it is acceptable that person will start to want more and maybe go elsewhere for it. Not just for the sex itself but because they feel neglected and unfancied.

One problem with relationships is that so many people feel they must have a partner no matter what. They may come out of a relationship that does not work, they feel incomplete as a single person, so they get desperate to meet another and fill that slot. They may join marriage bureaus, dating agencies, go to singles bars or check out friends of friends, all in the hope of finding someone as quickly as possible. Because they are so desperate and impatient they grab onto anyone who seems reasonably acceptable and ignore

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