by Carmel Brulez

Created on: October 31, 2009   Last Updated: November 01, 2009

People who have low self-esteem tend to get into relationships with the wrong sort of people and for the wrong reasons. Their previous history of abuse leads them to become so lacking in confidence and the ability to make rational logical decisions about people and relationships that they are a walking disaster waiting to happen. All that is needed is for them to find another opportunist, predator or abuser while they are vulnerable and the rest will just follow course.

Abusers can only abuse vulnerable people. People who are lacking in confidence and self respect. They do not care WHY their victim has these problems, they are just grateful that they have, because they needed to find a victim. We can argue that they have all sorts of self-esteem issues themselves, otherwise they would not find a need to be superior over someone, but they do not care about the nuts and bolts of the thing, they just react to how they feel and what they think they should be doing to make themselves happy.

People with low self-esteem are abused by one person, then they go off and lick their wounds and complain to anyone who will listen about how awful that person was. Very often what they say is true but they do not add that they stayed for ten years longer than necessary because their lack of self-esteem stopped them from being brave enough to end the relationship. They then long to find someone else and have a desperate need to be loved and accepted. So strong is this desperate need that they will grab onto anyone who shows them a kindness and smiles in the right way, which makes them very very vulnerable. Any deceitful or selfish charmer can come along at this time and they are a goner.

Then this person starts to get into their life and this is followed by their form of abuse. When this starts the victim gets more confused and starts to believe they really are horrible otherwise why would it be that they keep meeting abusers? Surely if they were nice and normal an abuser would not be with them or saying these things to them? It usually does not occur to them that the abuser has their own mental health problems and they are doing it to boost up their own confidence. They see themselves as the cause of the problem. And in a way that is what they are, the cause of the problem.

Strong capable people, or people who come across as assertive and in command, do not get abusers being interested in them. The abuser could not be bothered to try to tame and talk down to or use someone who is so well sorted. It would be much too much work to break them down. It maybe impossible, especially when you bear in mind that the victim is more sorted than the abuser. It is timid, needy people who get abusers. They may as well wear a neon sign on their forehead saying "please abuse me".

If you want healthy relationships with decent people then you have to be healthy and decent yourself. Like attracts like.

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