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Abusive relationships can lead to low self esteem. Whether it is a parent who constantly criticises their child for not doing their homework well enough and getting a low grade, or a husband who tells his wife she is fat and ugly because she put on some weight. Whichever form of abuse you suffer at the hands, or mouth, or someone else will dent your confidence and how you feel about yourself.

They say that sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you. If that were true people would not get upset and lack confidence after being bullied or verbally battered, especially when it is an ongoing and repetitive assault. Anyone who has been verbally violated by someone regularly and often ends up believing the things they are told. They are brainwashed into thinking that the person would not say it if it were not true. Why would they? No point.

If someone is criticising you for being overweight then you will believe that it is true, because you know you are overweight. But that does not justify being cruel or spiteful about it in the way it is mentioned. A decent kind person would not call you names, even if you are enormous. They would either not mention it at all or say it in more subtle tactful ways.

Once our confidence starts to disappear we tend to find the rest will quickly follow with it. You may have been quite confidence a year ago, then a few months later some has gone, now a year later it is nearly all gone. The confidence starts to go, then you get more abuse, this feeds the fact that you were already lacking in confidence and the two multiply together. The less confidence you have the quicker another piece of confidence disappears. You may start off by thinking you are stupid then when this has seaped in and been accepted you may think you are ugly.

If the abuse is physical or sexual you wonder why this person is doing this to you and believe that somehow it is your fault. If they are telling you it is because you are worthless or an object it is only a matter of time before you accept this and believe it. Their words and actions back it up so why would you disagree? If you are a shy timid person it will be easy to bully you and pick on you and you may be a bigger target.

The trouble with abusive relationships is that, apart from them being very unpleasant and less than pointless, they tend to lead into each other. You get into one abusive relationship and get treated badly, you lose self esteem and hey presto you end up in another one which is similar. History will keep repeating itself because abusers choose victims that are scarred from the past and who are not able to cope with it. They make easy and willing victims. They would not dream of picking on someone who has lots of confidence, because that person would put them in their place.

Learn more about this author, Carmel Brulez.
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