by Paul Schingle

Created on: October 31, 2009   Last Updated: November 03, 2009

I used to teach a class on crisis prevention and intervention. In that class, I taught that something like 85% of all communication is non-verbal. We use body language, tone of voice, eye contact and a host of other cues to communicate effectively. Another thing to remember is that communication is a two-way street. Some of the most effective communicators are those who listen well, speak seldom and when they do speak, show honesty, empathy and compassion. True communication requires effort. True communication requires practice. And, when done correctly, true communication can be most effective.

Starting with non-verbal cues, we can say a lot without using words at all. Our physical stance actually says a lot. If we face our companion and cross our arms, we are already putting on a defensive posture. This shows, "I will hear your words, but you already can't convince me. I'm not really listening." Conversely, if we approach the person with whom we want to have meaningful dialogue, from the side, facing him/her openly, this tells the other person, "I'm willing to truly listen." Eye contact is very important, when trying to communicate effectively. However, it is a subtle attribute. You don't want to bore into the skull of the person you're talking to, but, you do want to catch their eyes regularly. This shows true listening. An occasional nod of the head is helpful as well.

While remembering non-verbals are vital to effective communication, it is imperative to be a good listener. Good listening, like good communication, begins with posture. How you present yourself to the other person, can go a long way to building trust and, by definition, good communication. If it is apparent that you are truly listening, this can effectively improve the other person's likelihood of listening as well. As stated before, true communication is a two-way street. You can be the best orator in the world, but if you don't know how to listen, it could be argued, you don't know how to communicate.

Effective communication can be an extremely important tool to have, no matter what you do for a vocation or an avocation. If you can show others that what they have to say is important and meaningful to you, you've greatly increased the likelihood that they will listen to what you have to say. And that, my friend, is what effective communication is. Being good at presenting your point and listening to the other person's point as well.

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