by Shauna Kirk

Created on: February 14, 2007   Last Updated: May 17, 2007

You can forgive, but to forget will be a task that you will constantly strive to achieve. After I had been married for 16 years, my husband had an affair. That was 11 years ago. We are still married, and there are times when I remember once again the pain that was caused by his infidelity. The reminders are few and far between now. The memory of the pain itself, the broken heart, is less and less. Time truly does heal all wounds, but some wounds take longer than others to heal.

We began counseling immediately. We went to counseling once a week for 6 months. You can go to a private marriage counselor. We, however, went to a church sponsored counseling program. Which I must add, neither one of us were Christians when we began our counseling.

After 16 years of marriage, both of us thought that we had the relationship thing down. I can honestly admit that as we got deeper into our counseling, we realized that neither one of us really had a clue. We learned about personality differences, most importantly ours. We learned specifically about the differences between the way a man thinks and the way a woman thinks.

For two years after the affair, the pain in my heart was prevalent everyday, and not one day went by that the pain didn't bring tears to my eyes. My children helped me be strong and as odd as it may seem, my husband did also. I don't believe that anyone can survive infidelity without professional counseling though. James Dobson has some great self-help books, but having someone to talk to, a professional, is what you will need.

Remember that having someone to help you sort through your feelings, some of which may not even be obvious to begin with, is what will heal the pain. Do not keep it inside of you, as the stress will literally kill you. It is imperative to determine why your husband had the affair (which can be done in private counseling) so that he can recognize the "danger signs" in the future and be prepared to avoid them.

Realize that the affair had absolutely nothing to do with you personally. When a man (or woman) decides to have an affair, I can assure you, that the only person they are thinking about is themselves. They may tell you, that you deserve better, but that is only a weak mind trying to justify an act that they know is wrong.

Recognize that our human race is not always perfect. People make mistakes. Mistakes have consequences. Everyone suffers the consequences. If a man pushes another out of a plane, he may feel extreme guilt, but it is

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