by Carlson Montour

Created on: October 30, 2009

It is absolutely possible for men and women to be friends and only friends. Is it likely? Are the odds in favor or against them staying just friends? If a person is in a committed relationship, is it wise to have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex? Each person must arrive at his or her own answers to these questions.

The question at hand reveals much about the prejudices, biases and insecurities of the person answering. A female believing such friendships are not possible may assume that men are not capable of relating to a woman in a non-sexual manner. A man opining in the negative may assume that all women are looking for a man to latch on to for marriage. With these preconceived notions, they likely will never experience a fulfilling relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

In order to believe that a man and a woman can be friends one must be able to accept that men and women are capable of being emotionally close without becoming sexually or romantically involved. One must also conclude that it is possible for men and women to resist any sexual attraction they may fleetingly feel toward their opposite sex friend. If the feelings become more than fleetingly sexual, adults are able to realize this and either discuss it with the friend and take the relationship to the next level, if both so desire, or decide that is not what they want. The result may be an end to the relationship or it may not.

Both men and women can learn about the opposite sex through their friendships with them. What makes them tick? How do they relate differently? Many men seem to feel more comfortable discussing their feelings, weaknesses, hurts, etc., with a woman than with a man.

Mixed sex friendships often become more complicated and controversial if one or both of the friends are in committed relationships. Spouses or partners of the friends may not be secure enough to trust that this is only a friendship or fear it will not remain a friendship. One must be aware of these feelings in their partner and decide whether they want to remain committed to a relationship that will not tolerate the friendship or give up the friendship to avoid the tension in their primary relationship. There is not a right or wrong solution, but a decision must be made one way or the other.

If a man or woman is in a committed relationship and expects to maintain a friendship with a member of the opposite sex, they must be very open and honest about the friendship. If the friends are spending a lot of time with just the two of them, then maybe the friendship is morphing into something more. It may be that the friendship is being used to make the partner jealous. But a true friend does not use a friend to make someone else jealous, so by definition it is not a friendship.

Is this a complicated issue? Absolutely. Are there any easy answers? No. But male-female friendships can be very meaningful. They can also cause much mayhem and heartache. Still, in the end, responsible adults are able to maintain close friendships with members of the opposite sex without allowing the relationship to turn sexual or romantic.

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