by Araminta Matthews

Created on: February 14, 2007   Last Updated: October 05, 2010

Now here we have a topic about which both my partner and I have thought long and hard. When the zombie apocalypse takes place, he and I will survive and we will survive well. Let me share with you our plans so that you, too, might survive the impending doom.

First, we have NECROSLEDGE. These are machetes painted black by my best friend and fellow zombie-anti-enthusiast, Steve.  They read "Necrosledge" along the sides, and they are mounted in the central roomof our home for easy access when zombie attack. Why machetes and not shotguns? Simple. There has been a lot of debate around the proper way to destroy a zombie beast, but all of them seem to agree that severing the brain from the spinal cord is the way to go. That somehow, without this pivotal connection, zombies are no longer reanimated dead: they're just plain dead. So, machetes. They don't need reloading, they don't require precision and a good shooting eye, and they can be handled by young and old alike. Not to mention their usefulness when navigating the wilderness in the event that we need to relocate for resources - because if there's a necropalypse, you better believe the roads will not be your best plan for getting out of dodge.  In the end, it will all come down to hack and slash, baby.

Second, code names. Some zombies, such as the zombies in the countless "Night of the Living Dead" movies, or the more recent "Land of the Dead", are moderately sentient with the ability to communicate on basic levels. For this reason, it is vital that your zombie fighting core have specific codenames to identify each other in the fray.  This may not stop them from becoming a zombie, but at least you'll know with whom you're dealing and whether or not you should think twice before letting the ol' necrosledge fly.  Think about it. You're hacking your waying through a zombie-fied street and you run into your best friend, or your mom. They, too, are wielding the necrosledge given by the Steve. They are covered from head to toe in blood and may even be sporting non-bite-induced wounds from which they are bleeding themselves. How will you know not to slash them up yourself? Codenames. Know your codename and know theirs. This will save you any embarassing murders of your loved ones.

Third, have a plan. Like any good fire safety plan, you have to have an escape route and a planned meeting place. When the zombie apocalypes comes, the phone lines will be jammed with unprepared losers trying to call

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