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Now here we have a topic about which both my partner and I have thought long and hard about. When the zombie apocalypse takes place, he and I will survive and we will survive well. Let me share with you our plans so that you, too, might survive the impending doom.

First, we have NECROSLEDGE. Yes, they're machetes painted black by my best friend and fellow zombie-anti-enthusiast, Steve, that read "Necrosledge" along the sides.

These are mounted on our walls in the central room of our upstairs apartment for easy access from anywhere should zombies attack. Why machetes and not shotguns? Simple. There has been a lot of debate around the proper way to destroy a zombie beast, but all of them seem to agree that severing the brain from the spinal cord is the way to go. That somehow, without this pivotal connection, zombies are no longer reanimated dead: they're just plain dead. So, machetes. They don't need reloading, they don't require precision and a good shooting eye, and they can be handled by young and old alike. Hack and slash, baby.

Second, code names. Some zombies, such as the zombies in the countless "Night of the Living Dead" movies, or the more recent "Land of the Dead", are moderately sentient with the ability to communicate on basic levels. For this reason, it is vital that your zombie fighting core have specific codenames to identify each other in the fray. Think about it. You're hacking your waying through a zombie-fied street and you run into your best friend, or your mom. They, too, are weilding the necrosledge given by the Steve. THey are covered from head to toe in blood and may even be sporting non-bite-induced wounds from which they are bleeding themselves. How will you know not to slash them up yourself? Codenames. Know your codename and know theirs. This will save you any embarassing murders of your loved ones.

Third, have a plan. Like any good fire safety plan, you have to have an escape route and a planned meeting place. When the zombie apocalypes comes, the phone lines will be jammed with unprepared losers trying to call 911 and their moms to warn them. No luck there. Cell phone towers are contingent on operating systems which will likely crash, as will the internet, so no ICQ and AIM. You may have some long range walkie talkies, but they generally only reach 2 to 5 miles of one another. Ham radios are only so good as their operators, and only if you have the same frequency. Plus, how long do you wanna fudge

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