According to Webster, a family is a group of individuals living under the same roof and usually under the same head. It is a basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children. What a rigid, sterile definition!
A healthy functioning family is so much more! It is different people all working for the same cause. They are loving, caring, nourishing individuals whose principal interest is for the betterment of the entire group. As part of this group it is important that everyone needs to participate in the upkeep of the home.
It is the duty of the parents to lay the foundation of behavior for the children that they will need to become responsible adults. Paying your child to participate in the duties of the household will not prepare him for the future. He needs to learn early that he will someday be responsible for his own welfare. This knowledge should be learned early, as early as the toddler stage.
In order to instill the knowledge for a toddler to understand that he is an integral part of the group, he should be taught responsibility even before he can talk. Communication does not need verbal expression to work. He learns by example and by expressions of appreciation.
Begin before bedtime to show him how to pick up his toys and put them away. Help him at first by putting away one toy, then helping him put away the next. Taking turns placing these toys in the toy box is an excellent lesson for him in sharing duties, but do not forget to applaud his accomplishment. He delights in pleasing his parents and will want to repeat the procedure each night if he knows his actions are appreciated. Give those little guys credit. They often understand so much more than we realize!
Most children like to imitate your actions, so let them help while folding the laundry. Show them how to fold a wash cloth, then let them take over that job. Later they can move on to the towels and their own underwear. This is a great way to spend time with your child while sharing responsibilities. You are also giving them a sense of pride in a job well done and setting good work ethics that he will need in the future.
Try to weigh the household duties to your children's age and ability. You do not want to overwhelm them with anything too difficult. Ease them into larger duties as they grow older, and try to make their chores as much fun as possible. Sing together while helping them make their beds or grab a broom and sweep away while dancing to a happy tune, then give them the broom and let them dance.
As your child approaches the teen years, asking them for help shows you have confidence in their ability and that you trust their judgment to do the job without total supervision. Let them know that their help is needed and not just expected. Ask them if they will carry out the trash and then tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they have lightened your load. By doing this you are giving them a sense of self-worth and a boost in their confidence.
It is nearly inevitable that once the child becomes a teenager, he might rebel against helping with household duties. He will tell you that his best friend does not have to be burdened with chores. Other parents are more understanding than you are, and that he should be exempt from such mundane activities. By this time, you have probably agreed on an allowance unless he has a part-time job. This is a time for the cold hard facts he will face within a few years. Let him know, explaining as patiently as possible, that he can drop one or more chore, but he will have to forfeit a part of his allowance for each.
If he has been relying solely on his allowance and does not have a job, you might suggest that he find one. Then, he can drop all household duties, but you will charge him for doing his laundry, cleaning his room, etc. Keep the amounts realistic, but let him know that he has a choice. He can either continue with his chores, or pay to have them done for him. This is not cruelty as some people might be inclined to think. It is merely preparation for the real world.
As parents, our actions today will influence our children's welfare tomorrow. Sometimes the best lessons are not the most pleasant, but when it comes to our children's future we want to be certain that when they leave home, they will be responsible adults. That is what love is all about.