by Kevin Conklin

Created on: October 29, 2009   Last Updated: November 06, 2009

Until I die

I will live with this lie until I die.... Everyday I try and try but I can't look me in the eye and so I cry.... I cry....

I cry not literal tears, but from within... for all the years that I must hide these lies inside never to be revealed.... My soul this lie has tried to kill but still I need to fight this fight and try and live right because peace I may find... I just might. And with might, and in spite of my fright I recall that night well.

That bitter night was when I fell from salvation and descended to hell and followed the trail of the Dark One himself.... With the toll of a bell, hopes of heaven, I bid farewell... Doomed to dwell in my sanction of hell...till God's wrath is unveiled and my punishment commences.

Blocked in by the fences of lies I'm defenseless against the crime I've committed. The suspense of my pending sentence is more than intense... its immense. It makes sense... the offense I committed was to much to be acquitted... though I'm not proud to admit it ... my sin wont be remitted... It's not too much for Him to forgive it but I can't bring myself to forget it...

I was so cold...but I was mad and I was bold and I was completely uncontrolled... my anger it rolled and arose in a billow of smoke... bringing harm to my brother isn't a joke... he was too young to know not to use that coke... He was just tryin to fit in when two mice of men gave it to him.

Watching him lay in that bed... fighting for every breath ... until he was dead... all I could think about was a hole in their heads... Dread filled my heart as I tread from his room... As I fled that place, I fed from the hate. Fulfilling my fate, I filled my clip up with hollowed out lead....Words weren't said when I got to their place... Religion I shed as that trigger I shredded...

I watched as they bled, as their surroundings turned red, and they lay on the ground and in their own blood drowning. Took them way out of town where they'd never be found. Without them this world is better all around...

But deciding that wasn't my place, and without a trace of grace I killed not out of love, but out of hate. Now, the lives of four were purely a waste. But regret of that date I have not a trace, that's how I know my soul is unsafe, and judgment from God is what I must face. I cannot ask for forgiveness when I feel I was right.

Try and live life like I have not a strife...not needing forgiveness just isn't right, and I cry because I must live in a lie from now until I die.

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