by Thornshackle

Created on: October 29, 2009

I heard just the other day that they've come out with a new kind of banker. Not a new kind of bank mind you, but an entirely, new banker! According to the tidbits I've picked up on the various news channels the new banker is slated to come out just in time for the Christmas season. You see, in the early days of banking the old timers, that is the esteemed, stuffy old guys you always see in those old photographs and paintings hanging on bank walls or in the lobbies or above the entry ways of banks, they figured out a long long time ago, that you can earn customer loyalty the most by treating the customer's money like a sacred artifact, and the way to do that is to make it so hard to access, that the customer almost never, ever sees his or her money. The way they did this was to have business hours which were inconvenient to most of the working populace of America. Being open only nine o'clock in the morning, and then closing at five o'clock in the evening made it excruciatingly difficult for people who also worked those same said hours to ever be able to touch their money. Additionally the old banks had a phone system which allowed for them to have five phone lines, and have every single one all tied up so that you the customer would feel very secure in where your money was, because you'd be thinking "Well if I can't even get a hold of my bank, then my money must really be safe." To give you an extra feeling of financial fortitude, Banks would employ any holiday Federal, local, social, made up, you name it, to use as an excuse to not even open its doors at all. The reasoning for this was that, if you can't breach the bank's physical doors to get at your money, then neither could any old thief who would also very much love to get at your money.

However, as time went on, a different set of bankers, not the stoic, grandfatherly faces of old whose suits probably cost more than your car; but funny little guys with thick glasses and nasal accents, who probably bought their suits off the rack at 70's Steve's Suit Stash, started getting all of these funny ideas that you the customer would actually want to get a hold of YOUR money, when YOU wanted it. Now of course, this idea was looked on with much suspicion back in its day, and rightly so! After all, if YOU could get YOUR hands on YOUR money WHENEVER YOU wanted to, then by George, couldn't ANYBODY else? Now of course the answer to this was "yes, absolutely". Now the newer bankers knew this, and they knew they'd really

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