by Dave Paulson

Created on: October 29, 2009

Why doesn't the world stop? How does it just keep on going as if the horror of horrors had not occurred?

If someone you care about has lost a child, and you want to make them feel better, it's simple: just stop the world and roll back time. If you have not the power to do so, yet you sincerely wish to help, start by sincerely trying to understand what he or she is feeling.

There is nothing like the loss of a child. To the grieving parent, it is quite literally the end of the world - their world. That which means more than life itself has been torn from their breast leaving a hole that threatens to consume their very soul. They are helpless to stop the endless collage of memories that flash through their mind, that lead invariably into the void, into the stark realization that all of their tomorrows will be without that child.

I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak with authority, especially for those of us whose loss was sudden. Two winters ago, my wife and I lost our son. We were with him one night and woke the next morning to find his lifeless body on the floor in his bedroom. I'll spare you most of the details, but I will share this: once I stopped pounding on his chest and futilely blowing air into his fluid filled lungs, all the while knowing that it was already too late, I continued to shout his name and cry out loud until finally my voice cracked and failed. I was not acting rationally, but then what is rational in the face of the incomprehensible? My being simply could not conceive of the reality I was experiencing: I had lost my son of a mere 21-years, my son whom I had thought would be my best friend for life.

Tears still stream down my face as I recall the horror of that morning. I will forever be grateful that my son hugged me on that fateful night, and that I responded by telling him that I loved him. I will also NEVER get over the loss! If there's one thing you take away in reading this, please let it be an understanding of this reality. Your friend will never get over her loss. She will learn to deal with it, and for outside appearances she will generally seem "normal" once again, but the black hole in the center of her heart will remain forever.

On this particular point, I share with you not only my own feelings, or those of my wife, but the feelings of the many people whom I've come to know who too have had their hearts shattered by the loss of their child. "We need not walk alone," begins the credo of the Compassionate Friends, a self-help

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