by Kelly White

Created on: October 28, 2009

Affection can either mean a fond attachment, like love, or it can mean an influence. Can you "influence" your child by buying them expensive gifts? I guess that would depend on whether they "earned" the gift by good behavior or by completing a task. Then this gift would be more like a reward and yes, you can influence your child to continue on a preferable course with expensive gifts. But beware that you are creating high expectations in a growing mind and that later on in life they may feel "cheated" when not receiving high end payouts for work performed. Children need to grow up with an understanding that expensive things aren't just better, but they cost more money and money has to be earned. The more expensive something is, the harder and longer you have to work to afford it.

But if by affection, we are referring to a fond attachment such as love? Then I would have to say no. I don't believe you can coerce a child into affectionate feelings for you by purchasing costly gifts. What you ARE buying, however, is a childs' affection for expensive things. And if they've done nothing to earn these gifts, you are instilling in them expectations that you have the ability to buy whatever it is that they want, no matter what the price. So the next time they want the "next best thing" and you say no, expect anger, hurt and resentment. Children need to learn appreciation. Not just for the gifts that you give to them, but also for the effort and work it took you to earn the money to buy it for them. It doesn't take away from the experience of giving, or getting, to teach your child the importance of sacrifice and love, which is what is behind the scenes of purchasing the gift in the first place.

Does this mean that there's never a place for an expensive unearned gift? Of course not. But don't attempt to substitute intangible things such as time, attention or affection for a pricey item. Kids know the difference, and though they may not admit it when young, they prefer...no, NEED the gift of giving of yourself much more than any new mp3 player with 16G's or the newest Playstation on the market. These things can't give them what they crave and can build their futures on, only small loving gestures directly from a parent can do that.

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