by Dori Kenny

Created on: October 27, 2009

I am starting my day with a very heavy sigh. I neeeeeed to clean my house. Cleaning my house is my most undesirable chore. I'm exhausted just thinking about doing it. Surely it will take me four days to mop the floor, two days to clean the bathroom and close to a week just to dust. What do I do first...dust the bookcases, clean the glass top tables, or do the bathrooms? Aah, such endless choices. And they are all mine. Do you hear the sarcasm?

I decide to start with something simple. I'll swiffer the floors. You know, start with something light. Hey, maybe this could be more enjoyable if I turn on the stereo. As luck would have it Casey Kasem is on with all the disco hits from the 70s. Not to age myself but this is my music! Here I go, I'm ready with my swiffer mop. I'm gliding across the floor to Earth Wind and Fire and the Bee Gees. Oh yeah, I'm moving with style and getting my house clean all at the same time. Then all of a sudden my Hustle comes to a screaming halt. I pull the swiffer mop from under my bed. Not only do I find the aspirin I dropped two weeks ago but the size of the dust bunnies is alarming! Dust bunny, such a sweet term, these are more like the size of Jimmy Stewart's friend, Harvey. I'm embarrassed to tell you it took a whole swiffer pad just to get them all. Now I am on fire and totally motivated to clean my house within an inch of its life.

I go to the kitchen cabinet and arm myself with every cleaning product I can find. No rubber gloves? Who needs them! I scour the bathroom sinks, scrub the toilets, collect every towel in the house and start the washer. Then I wipe down all the mirrors and glass until they shine so bright, they are blinding (well close). I dust everything from the bookcases to the lampshades, clear off all the books from my nightstand, and change the sheets. Finally, the last job to do, wet mop the floor. All this time the dog has been asleep in her bed in the den and now she decides to be my mopping partner. I gently explain the problem with this partnership to her and she graciously returns to her bed. Thank goodness, I'm starting to run out of gas. As I'm swabbing the deck, all I can think about is my next appointment at the chiropractor. At last, mission accomplished!

I search for a dry spot on the floor, there's one. I need to lie down on a flat service before I look like Quasi-motto forever. Did you hear that crunch? I repeat, "Oh my back" several times and let out a moan. When I'm finally able to sit up, I take in the gleam my house has and smile. It only took me two hours.

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