by Carmel Brulez

Created on: October 27, 2009   Last Updated: October 28, 2009

Anyone who has been the victim of childhood abuse will know how difficult it is to move on after. You have been abused, probably the worst and biggest thing that can happen to you. You are confused, hurt, angry, sad, depressed, lonely, finding it difficult to concentrate and maybe feeling guilty too. Your loved ones try to understand but they cannot, because it did not happen to them. It is far worse if it was a loved one who did it. Someone who has never suffered this way can tell you to be strong, to live for today and forget the past, but they cannot tell you how to make this possible.

The effects of child abuse can be with you for many years or a whole lifetime. While it is easy to say you most move on, it is the truth. You have a choice. Either let it get you down and take over your life, let it ruin your life for the whole of the rest of your life. Let it ruin your health, your peace of mind, your relationships and your happiness. Which would really mean that the person who did this to you has truly got a hold over you forever. What damage that would do, all those years, that wasted life. It would seem like an existence instead of living. Or the alternative is to show the person who did this to you that they will not get away with it, that they will not win, that no matter how awful what they did was you will somehow rise above it and become a whole complete and happy person again. Because you owe it to yourself and because you will show them that you are in charge of your life. That you are determined to be a winner and not a loser.

It will not be easy. You may well need to have medication or see a therapist or psychiatrist, perhaps for a long time. You may well go through a grieving process where you hurt, wonder, cry, shake and have trouble sleeping and eating or simply being what is called normal. But if you are determined to win you will gradually get better and more 'normal' each and every day. Whenever you feel you are failing or feel you want to just give in and let it all just happen to you remind yourself that that is what your abuser wants. They want to control you, manipulate you, taunt you, make you unhappy and scared. They have succeeded up to a point for a day, a year or longer, but to let them do this to you for even longer would be far worse.

Instead of thinking about what happened and how terrible it was think of how there are nice people in the World who are not like your tormentor. People who are worth knowing and forming relationships with, and that as soon as you are whole again you can form worthwhile lasting and peaceful happy relationships with them. That is your reward. Your health, your peace of mind, your future relationships. Because the alternative is to become reclusive and lonely and never trust anyone, constantly unhappy, worried and depressed. The alternative may be to drink or take drugs to blot out the memories. The alternative may be to just exist from day to day wishing you were not here. The alternative does not bear thinking about. Be a winner.

I do know what I am talking about, honestly, this is not hot air and guess work. I was a victim of abuse and I have been a private therapist helping such people for many years. I now have wonderful close relationships and am very happy. Please listen to me.

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