Question: Isn't just about everything a teen does a kind of addiction? Of course, the medical or criminal drug addictions of people of any age are severe problems. However, a teen's intense interest in current music, sports, relationships, sex and a hundred other obsessions are perfectly natural.
No one can deny, especially worried parents, that a teen's curiosity and eagerness to participate in sex is also part of the normal growth process. In this day of sexually-charged music, explicit movies and instant access to internet sex sites, there's no way to shield teens from exposure to it.
Anyhow, what's all the fuss about? Pornography has been part of the human experience since at least ancient Chinese sex manuals of the 5th Century BCE, pornographic wall paintings in First Century Pompeii and through the illustrated bedroom and boudoir books of 16th Century Imperial Russia, France and Italy.
Whatever the moral and religious constraints that have condemned the blatant elements of sex, the simple fact remains that every human being is the result of, if not love, an act of sex. Therefore, although control over their teens can't possibly be total, at least there are many ways parents can inform and warn their teens about pornography and other aspects of sex.
1. Explain: Pornography is a business, where those who peddle it know their most eager customers are teens. Explain how the lines between sexually-oriented movies, TV and music are not that different than the material the teens see on online porn sites. You can't expect young people to ignore all those exciting influences, but you can inform them of the social mores and possible dangers involved.
2. Teach them early: The traditional birds and bees lecture may be laughably outmoded, but for many families it can be a simple way to introduce the subject of sex to young children. As the teen years approach, the subject matter has to become more explicit, and the questions must be answered truthfully. For teens, it's never too early for parents to emphasize both the good and bad aspects of sex.
Part of the teaching process may include introducing teens to some of the ancient examples of sex in China and Pompeii. They should also be made aware of artists' conceptions of the beauty of the nude body, such as those created by Michelangelo, Reubens, Degas and photographers specializing in nude figures. In attitude and social acceptance, artistic nudity is far removed from pornography, but they share the fascination people have for the human body.
3. Never condemn: All teens have an overwhelmingly natural curiosity in sex, including when they seek both information and thrills from pornography. Emphasize frequently, without piling on blame and shame, that sex is a normal urge. At the same time, parents must continue to hold question and answer sessions, and stress how sex is involved in teen responsibility and consideration for their future lives.
4. Emphasize the fun: Sex is one of life's great pleasures when love, respect and responsibility are part of the relationship. Parents must admit, at least to themselves, that their own sexual moments were enjoyable, including practicing some of the more graphic scenarios now being shown on porn websites. Comedian Woody Allen was once asked if sex was dirty. His response was: Only if you do it right!
5. Conclusion: Pornography is neither bad nor good, but merely the commercialization and distortion of a basic human need for teens and every adult. In today's multi-communications atmosphere, there's no way to deny that porn exists, or to totally prevent teens from having access to it.
If you believe your teen is addicted to porn, first you must find out what's missing in the teen's life that causes the overwhelming attraction. As you once weaned that same teen away from the baby bottle, you must take positive, but steady, non-threatening steps to wean the older child away from the new dependency.