by Lyn Michaud

Created on: October 27, 2009   Last Updated: October 28, 2009

Swingers take alternative paths to sexual fulfillment. The truth swingers are like everyone else. They have careers, they enjoy committed relationships, they participate in sports, they have hobbies, and they love music. Being a swinger doesn't interfere with everyday life or become the focus of life. Swingers differ in private by how they attain physical pleasure beyond the socially expected coupling to have recreational sex with other adults and sometimes they don't have sex at all.

So what is involved in swinging?

Swapping happens when two couples exchange partners. Some of these are private arrangements that go on for several years.

Threesomes three people have sex together, many times two women with one man, though any combination of genders is possible. This should not be confused with mnage a trois, a domestic partnership of three people who love, live and have sex together.

Swinging parties ground rules are made by whoever is giving the party. Some are simply for the purpose of meeting likeminded, potential partners with no sex at the party also called an off-premises swing. An on-premises swing means rooms are designated for sex and there is a safe room where no sex is allowed.

Beyond the types of style there is also choice of activity. The details?

Open swing partners may share a room or even a bed

Closed swing partners go to separate rooms

Soft swing watch each other have sex

Roman style everybody participates

Greek style or back door anal penetration

Double penetration more than one in a body cavity

Exhibitionism and voyeurism though these two categories differ they are alike. Some participants enjoy putting on a performance and others prefer to watch, enjoy and learn.

BDSM a diverse grouping of bondage, domination and humiliation. Participants give up mutual consideration during sex play with one in control and the other giving up control to the point of total obedience. The games may use soft bondage like being tied up with neckties and silk or progress to leather whips, handcuffs and paddles.

Here you should know about safe words. 'No' doesn't always mean 'no' during rough play, no sometimes means 'more please'. Knowing the difference is vital. Choosing a safe word you would never use in this situation (examples Jerusalem artichoke or Arctic refuge) provides a way out when you've had enough. The safe word is an oral contract; when the agreed upon word or phrase is spoken play stops immediately, not when I'm done. NOW.

Psychologists express concern about the dangers of continually setting up the partners in a relationship for jealousy. Some partners in committed relationships have a partner (yes man or woman) who is uninterested in sex and encourages or permits the partner to find satisfaction elsewhere. If one partner doesn't respect the other partner's boundaries they are cheating. Both partners in a relationship must agree to the level of participation based on comfort and expectations. Some people in the swinging lifestyle are single. Since the community of recreational swingers is clandestine and in some areas very small, participants follow unwritten rules to prevent being banished. Couples may be invited and mentored to understand what is expected. Regardless there is one central rule - all sex is consensual and negotiated.

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