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When you're beginning to suspect that your teen is involved in an abusive relationship, one of the first casualties is alienation from the family. The deeper the hurtful situation becomes, the more disturbed and isolated the abused teen feels. The obsession with the abuser promotes shame and guilt, something the teen doesn't want the family to know about.

Isolation is the first warning sign of an abusive relationship. When parents feel the teen drifting away emotionally, they should begin coping by doing everything possible to make sure the teen knows there's always the family's unshakable loving concern. They may have to wait patiently until the teen is ready to discuss the troubling situation, and when that happens, it can be the first positive step in persuading the teen to escape the abusive relationship.

The warning signs may happen in subtle ways, but if concerned family members are watchful, they can detect and try to help.

1. Frequent check up calls: The abuser will make frequent calls to the family home, demanding to speak to the teen. The family member who answers may sense hostility in the brusque voice and words of the caller.

2. Abusive language: In phone and live conversations witnessed by family members, the abuser will show obvious signs of control over the teen. Orders are given in stern words, criticism is often voiced angrily and with obscenities to intimidate the teen.

3. Domination: The abusive one makes all the decisions as to outside activities, mingling with others and how the teen should behave in public situations. The teen will show obviously distressful signs of having every move controlled by the abuser.

4. Physical evidence: Other than showing an attitude of fearful submission, the teen may have evidence of actual physical abuse. Family members should be concerned if the teen shows bruises and other signs of being beaten. When disovered, this situation requires instant action by family members, including intervention by contacting authorities.

5. Depression: When the formerly happy, well-adjusted teen shows signs of fear and humiliation because of the abuser's domination, the family must seek medical or psychological counseling for the teen to prevent the situation from deteriorating further. It may also be time for recommending that the abuser be required to be exposed to similar treatment.

6. Changes at school: When the abusive relationship causes the teen's educational progress to deteriorate, the signs will be lower grades, disinterest in homework, and withdrawal from sports and other school activities. When the signs become too evident, family intervention is necessary to prevent possible total school failure and dropping out. In the worst scenario, the troubled teen could run away to escape the double pressures of the abusive relationship and the family's attempts to solve the problem.

When family members are faced with the obvious signs of the teen's troubles, and realize how damaging the abusive relationship has become, they must take on the responsibility of making every attempt to save their teen from further abuse. However, they must do it with the utmost loving sensitivity, so that they can solve the problem without further antagonizing and isolating their loved one.

Learn more about this author, Ted Sherman.
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