Communication is a skill that encompasses effective speaking and active listening. Relationship problems are often attributed to inability to communicate.

Compatibility between couples hinges on each individual understanding where the other person is "coming from." No matter how strong the love, or fervent the devotion, if a couple cannot communicate effectively, problems will arise in the relationship.

Men and women communicate differently; men like talk about concrete "things" that they can visualize, while women like to talk about abstract "feelings."

Even allowing for their differences, it is possible for men and women to improve their communication interaction if they are able to avoid some of the most offensive conversation stoppers.

The biggest couples communication problems:

* Not listening

Often men and women do not really listen to one another. They are often busy thinking of what their response will be. Some couples get caught up in the busy demands of life and take their partner for granted, impatient to end any discussion and move on to more pressing activities.

In frustration over not being heard, some women go on and on, gaining the reputation for talking too much. Men, who might retreat into stubborn silence, are often stereotyped as never wanting to "communicate."

* Dredging up old issues

When old unresolved issues are brought up in a new discussion, all efforts to effectively communicate are shut down. The game of one-upmanship rapidly ensues as each tries to outdo the other dredging up old baggage from the past.

Nothing can make a "discussion" escalate to a full-blown argument faster than bringing up past offenses.

* Needing to be right

When an individual is more focused on being right than sharing thoughts and feelings, efforts to communicate are sabotaged.

Especially in disagreements, it is easy to lose focus and forget what the initial grievance was, when the motive for engaging in a heated discussion shifts to "winning at all cost."

* Avoiding

Good communication requires honesty. If couples never confront certain subjects, or put up smoke screens of distraction by changing the subject, communication will suffer.

Other negative techniques for avoiding communication are going off on a tangent and laboring a point.

These four unhealthy habits potentially are the greatest offenders when it comes to couples communication problems.

If your partner appears to be relying on friends to satisfy conversational needs and you are feeling neglected and "out of the loop," examine your verbal interactions to discern what is lacking in your ability to talk with one another.

By raising your awareness and taking steps to improve your communication skills you can reach a greater understanding with your partner through communication and enrich your relationship.

Learn more about this author, Carol Gioia.
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