by beth king

Created on: October 27, 2009   Last Updated: October 29, 2009

Is my child in an abusive relationship? The very question will fill most parents with a sense of fear and helplessness. What would they do and how would they even know? This is a problem that kids typically won't talk to their parents about and often will not even tell their friends.

There are signs that you can be on the look out for to determine if your child is one of many teenagers that are in an abusive relationship.

THE WARNING SIGNS ARE:

* They are worried about upsetting or making their partner angry

* They have unexplained marks, bruises or other injuries

* They lose contact with their other friends

* They do not enjoy and participate in activities they used to

* Their behavior or appearance has changed.

* Repeated and constant calling and text messaging, some as much as 10-30 times in one hour, keeping track of what they are doing, where they are at.

If you see more then one of these signs, it could mean your child is in an abusive relationship. The statistics are frightening and they are getting worse.

THE STATISTICS:

1 in 3 report knowing a friend that has been physically abused by their partner

1 in 4 teenage girls in an abusive relationship report being pressured to engage in sexual activity.

1 in 4 teenage girls report putting up with repeated verbal abuse

Less then 25% of teens say they talked about abusive relationship with their parents.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

1: Talk to your child and keep the lines of communication open.

2: Talk about good and bad relationship and ways to know the difference

3: Do not minimize the situation or your child's feelings. Teenagers often feel they are in love, do not waive it away saying it's just infatuation or puppy love.

4: Set an example. If you are in an abusive relationship, make changes to get out and get yourself help. If in the past you were in a bad relationship, tell your child what happened and what you did to get out of it.

5: Seek help from outside sources, a therapist or a group that works with teens in breaking free of abusive relationships.

It may be that a parent is in denial or doesn't think this would ever happen to their child. After all, their child has always been a good kid, hung out with the right kind of friends and has a good head on their shoulders. Maybe they have even brought up the subject and they feel confident their teenager would have the strength and self-esteem to avoid getting themselves in to such a destructive relationship.

As scary as this is, being diligent and aware is your best defense. Do not be mislead into thinking this problem only happens to other kids and other families. Statistics show kids that are involved in abusive relationships come from all walks of life.

For further information contact the following agencies and websites.

TEARS, Teens against abusive relationships www.teansagainstabusiverelationships.org

Kid health, www.kidshealth.org

The National Teen Dating Abuse Help Line 1866-331-9474

Check your local State or County Crises Hot Line.

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