by Carl Hose

Created on: October 26, 2009

An addict doesn't only hurt himself, he hurts his loved ones as well. A husband hurts his spouse; a father hurts his children. It's the nature of the beast. Addiction is the beast, and a powerful one at that. It controls every word that comes from an addict's mouth; it controls every action an addict makes. The beast inside the addict doesn't care about loved ones. It only wants to be fed. The beast believes in lying, cheating, stealing, and yes, sometimes killing, to feed itself. An addict is the means to that end. The addict will do anything to feed the beast. You want me to steal money from my family (take food out of my kids' mouths) to get my fix? No problem. You want me to threaten to hurt my parents if they don't loan me the money I need to get high? No problem. You want me to rob a house, steal a car, beat someone to death in an alley? No problem.

How do you help someone who thinks this way? The answer is simple. You don't. There is nothing you can say or do to help an addict unless he's ready for help. You can't threaten to leave him, you can't threaten to call the police, and you can't beg and plead with him. You can't even love his addiction away. Nothing you can do will help an addict that doesn't want your help.An addict has three choices. He can die, he can spend his life in institutions (prison), or he can get clean. Only the addict can make those choices, and the truth is, the minority choice is getting clean.

If your addicted loved one does reach a bottom and decides he wants help, you can step in and direct him to a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. You can take him to a treatment center, but that's as far as it goes. Don't make any promises an addict asks in return for getting clean and sober. Don't give him money. Offer your best wishes and let him go to treatment. Remember, the beast is still inside, waiting for you or your loved one to let your guard down.

There are misconceptions about helping your addicted loved one. Mothers and fathers bail their children out of jail. Husbands and wives allow their addicted spouses to stay in the home with children. These things are not helpful. This is called enabling. You are enabling your loved ones to continue to abuse alcohol and drugs when you don't draw a line and put your foot down on it. If the addict never has to suffer the consequences of using drugs, he or she will never feel the need to get free of drugs. This information isn't pretty and may be hard to digest, but it's better than burying the ones you love because the beast had his way.

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