by B

Created on: October 26, 2009

My boyfriend asked me if I was depressed. He might have been joking since this was after watching a commercial for depression medication, but the question reminded me that I was depressed for, I would say, about a quarter of my life. I wouldn't say that I was ever clinically depressed, but I never went to a doctor for it, so I'm not sure. There were times, however, where I contemplated letting something happen to me that would take my life. I was and probably never will be brave enough to commit suicide. The first time I lost a job made me feel low enough to disregard my life. Losing the "friend I never had" was another low moment. Loneliness is usually the culprit to offset depression.

Living with my family made me feel that I was doomed to be clinically depressed. My parents were never supportive; they usually said things to bring my sister and I down. When my parents divorced, living with my mother was a nightmare. Eventually, I moved in with my father, and though it wasn't so bad, the loneliness was everywhere. I lived by myself for a while and I learned that it's not as fun as it seems. I always felt alone, even with my family, and feeling that was what depressed me.

That all changed when I met my boyfriend. He was just a friend first; friend of a friend actually, but I met him when he needed a roommate, and it felt like fate! I knew my life was going to change for the better by living with him, and so far, it has! I moved in while I was still grieving the loss of "the friend that never was"; I was still learning the life lessons that were never taught-I'm still learning-, and since I never lived with a guy besides my dad, I was nervous. After a couple of months, however, we owned up to our feelings for each other and now we are a team!

Sometimes I feel so much joy that I'm overwhelmed and feel emotional. Even though I might not have ever been clinically depressed; while I was, I wasn't as caring as I am today. If life after depression means feeling like a completely new person, then I'm experiencing the aftermath of that depression. There are times when I reminisce about the life where I was depressed, and those memories threaten to make me depressed again, so, when my boyfriend asked me If I was currently depressed, I was reminded of the struggle.

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