by Robert Bruton

Created on: October 26, 2009   Last Updated: October 27, 2009

Imagine a depth of depression so low that the only way you can feel anything is to cut your own body. Now imagine finding your teen bloody, with numerous cuts on the body. To say the least, a parent facing this prospect or living it has a very sick child. To say that you can cope is the least of what a parent's first concern should or will be.

First, understand there is help and hope. Your teen is not the only child doing this, nor are they the only human being doing this. Self-mutilation in its simplest form is a cry for help. The underlying cause is another matter. That's where professional help is needed. You can not simply say this is a phase or sweep it under the rug. A child that has fallen to this level of despair needs help and needs it now. The problem can lead to more serious issues if left unchecked. Not least of which, suicide.

For many parents, mental health costs can come at a terrible time. When you begin have some hope, there are programs that therapists work on a sliding scale for payment. Contact your local Child Welfare Services office; they can often be a great resource for help. They don't just deal with family violence. Pastoral counseling centers are great resources for help. Non-profit organizations can oftentimes direct you to services. Just begin calling organizations in your area and ask for help.

The seriousness of this problem cannot be amplified enough. A teen has not yet developed the coping mechanism to deal with this level of despair. Whatever the cause or reason, to hurt themselves can sometimes appear foolish to an adult. But remember you have the skills to deal with what, in your mind, is easy or trivial. What appears to be small to an adult can be a child's worst nightmare if they don't know how to fix a problem. Many teens become lost and lose direction. Parents must become the child's compass back to land and guide them from this sea of despair.

Remember as a parent to talk, and not tell. Often, well-intentioned parents will preach to a child, "you can't do this", "what are you thinking", "you're hurting me and your family". Let a child talk; if they will open up to you, sometimes you can help them identify the root cause. Don't react to what your child is saying, listen and understand. Teens are still learning and may not have the coping skills to deal with what may be a small thing to most. Don't negate what your child is saying. If they are hurting themselves, this is an act of desperation and needs level heads and serious attention. Crying, yelling, or emotional outbursts of any type are counterproductive.

Reach out to your child in the same loving manner you would someone who just found out they had cancer or some other life-threatening disease. Seek out professional help, read books on the subject, understand what depression is. Then you may learn to cope with what is happening to your teen. Do not believe this will go away on its own. Help is what's needed and required to save your child from further self harm.

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