Parents frequently have preconceived ideas about how their children's lives will pan out. They have vivid images of children with impeccable manners and total obedience to all parental instructions. They see their children becoming successful members of society with not a care in the world. The children give them no reason for anxiety, are academically sound, head off to college when they are old enough and end up with an enviable career. Unfortunately we often make decisions for our children without fully comprehending that many of these decisions may end up being vetoed. And although our parental rights are many, we really do not have the right to dictate how our children will live their lives after they are legally old enough to make their own way in life.
A good parent will certainly wish to give their child direction in life, encouragement to become successful, guidance along the road to living a respectful life and so forth. Yet we can only lead our children to the crossroads of life, what they do after they reach that point is their choice to make and no one else's. Yes we have the right to try to influence our impressionable young teens, yet once they reach the age of independence our hands are legally tied. Once our child/children are old enough to vote they are deemed adults who can act for themselves. Therefore the final decision to attend or not to attend college is solely theirs.
It is a natural response to be disappointed if your son or daughter refuses to go to college, we all want the best for our child. You can threaten to cut off financial support, tell your child to leave home and support themselves or you can act responsibly and try to convince your child that their decision could be detrimental to their future. To do this a parent needs to approach their son or daughter in a genteel manner, displaying your anger will only add fuel to the fire and make them more determined to dig their heels in. Have your plan of attack well thought out. Research statistics in reference to gaining employment with and without a college education. Have a good debate prepared which covers the economic crisis, unemployment level in your hometown, level of poverty and so forth. Take your child for a drive to the seedy side of town and talk about the fact that this could be where he or she may end up without a good education.
Discuss the general cost of living, rent, utility expenses, clothing, food and so forth. Ask your child how they expect to provide for themselves and a possible family in the future. But the conversation about college must not be a verbal attack. Be honest with your son or daughter and tell them that you wish to discuss their decision about college in an informative manner. When asked what you mean by informative, lay your cards on the table. Have a print-out of the unemployment ratio, success rate of employment for college graduates. Show him or her a list of career options the college graduate has in comparison to the list of career options a non college graduate has. Discuss the competitive job market, the drop in employment and the fact that you feel that they have the potential to be anything they wish if they have a college degree.
Once you have presented your argument leave it at that. Your best advise would then be to leave pamphlets etc about college on the coffee table etc. Droning on and on will only have them getting fed up. Say your peace then back off. And while you leave your son or daughter to do some serious thinking, analyse why you are so disappointed that he or she does not wish to go to college. Is it that you truly think they have the potential to be successful or are you attempting to live your own dreams through your child.?
Often a parent pushes a little too hard for a college degree for their children because they see the child as completing their own dreams. The father who wanted to become a lawyer, the mother who wanted to become a fashion designer etc but never had the opportunity, often pursue their own dreams through their own children.
Although a college degree gives our children a more academically sound background, not having a college degree does not mean your child can not become successful in life. If your teen decides not to attend college after all your attempts to convince them otherwise accept it. Your child has to live with the consequences of their many decisions as they walk through life. You can not hold their hands forever. Love your child and accept him or her for who they are, not what they are.