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Thanksgiving is stressful. There is no way of getting around some stress at this busy time of year. Simply getting home for the big day begins the stress and it escalates as anticipation and letdown and old memories of past relations resurface. To deny this is the first strike out in conquering Thanksgiving Day stress. The best way of reducing the stress is to acknowledge it and to decide to put aside all the littleness and anger of former times. Decide that whatever happens you are not going to lose your cool.

You choose how to spend your day. You choose to present yourself at your family's dinner table and you choose not be a problem. You will be helpful and you will be forgiving of any slights and you will not be jealous and envious of your siblings who are getting along better in the business world. If they want to brag, you will let them. You will understand their need to show off a little and to let mom and dad know how well they are succeeding in life. After all, who else cares but their family!

Of course there will be sadness. An important family member has passed on and they will be missed. This will be a good time to share your grief and to talk over what this member meant to you all. In this way they will still be there. Openness and sharing and being there for those in need is what Thanksgiving is all about. Possibly a sibling has dropped out and cannot take the stress. He has not been heard from in several years. Don't leave him out but share thoughts on how to get in touch.

When we center our thoughts on others, our own anxiety and stress seems to go away. It is during these times that we realize that the world is not centered on us. In other words, an excellent way to reduce or get over much of the stress of Thanksgiving is to get over ourselves. Don't expect to march back into the family and have every one in awe of your station in life. Each will have their own problems to overcome and a wrong word or a hint of disapproval from you will set them off.

If your big day is back in the same house and your parents are still there, consider them the boss. As they are. You don't have to give up your adult standing in your own mind when you enter their house, but remember they still may think of you as their responsibility. Listen and learn and be respectful. Make them glad you came and make them proud to be your parents.

Look around and think. Would Thanksgiving be such an important occasion if families didn't matter? Trouble and stress begins when our expectations far exceeds rationality. Accept the day as it is and you will have a grand time. While away your time there being helpful to the one preparing the dinner and the one who has been hard at work preparing for your good time. Help with the expenses if this is necessary and put yourself in their place. Were you the host, what would you expect of your guests? Whatever your answer, you try to be that kind of guest.

For the host of a Thanksgiving dinner: try to find ways of relieving your stress. If this means asking your guests to bring most of the food - and this is the wisest choice - do so. It will make them feel useful and it will free you up to do the other necessary chores of planning and hosting the dinner. Don't be apologetic about your lack of accommodations. Your family likes you the way you are, the way you have always been, yourself.

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