by Siobhan Watts

Created on: October 25, 2009   Last Updated: October 27, 2009

When is a teen ready for sex, or more pertinently when is YOUR teen ready for sex? If you are like me the answer is never never never and did I say never! I have 3 children the eldest, my son, is hovering on the brink of Teendom. We have the crush (tall girl quite pretty but really not good enough for him), he follows her like a love sick puppy and is convinced I do not know and have never seen him doing it! We have the blooming spots, body odor, cracking of the voice and the inexplicably long hours locked in his room. The hormones are jostling at the starting gate, they are under orders and any time now they will be off on the hunt! Have we talked about sex? Yes we have, I made him and he was very embarrassed about it. Embarrassing your children is one of the perks of being a parent I'm afraid.

He knows that if I had my way he and his siblings will never have sex, failing that I would want them to wait until they were 30 married and in a well paying job they love. But, lets be realistic when Tom falls in love, and he will hard, he will of course want to do the deed. So when will he be ready? I don't think any of us have the answer to that, but because I know my son it will be unlikely that he will tell me outright but he will let me know in his own way what he is up to.

Tom also knows that having sex comes with responsibilities and potential consequences. He knows that a girl can get pregnant just the once and that jumping up and down afterwards is not a form of contraception. He knows that not only does he have a duty of care over his own health and feelings but he, as a gentleman, has a responsibility to his partners as well. If the worst happens then he will have to help his partner choose the path and if they do decide to bring a child into the world then together or not he will always be a part of that child's life and will have to help take care of it and support it. Even if that means a weekend job while at school, a summer job at college and from then on after.

I believe that he understands that sex is the easy part it's what comes with it that requires the thinking and care. My son and I have talked about respect for himself and respect for others, the responsibility that comes with it all and the great highs and lows first love will bring. I believe that he understands that having sex is not a race or a competition with his friends, but something that needs to be treated as the adult task it is.

Tom, right now knows that there is no way he is equipped to deal with all that having sex could and will entail but when he feels that he is I'm pretty certain he won't tell me but will ask his dad to get him some condoms. I can't decide for them when they will be ready and I can't stop them but I can ensure they are educated, safe and understand that underage sex just does not happen to them. However, just because I am prepared to trust my child it does not mean girlfriends can sleep over. As for my daughter, over my dead body!

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