by Patricia Freer

Created on: October 25, 2009

"I'm sorry you're not feeling well, I'll see you when I get home." Those were the last words I spoke to my husband of twenty-four years. The coroner stated "cardiopulmonary arrest." His heart wasn't the only one broken.

Since that day in July 2007, I have been swimming the murky waters of grieving for my spouse. Wherever I go I'm sure everyone knows I'm a widow. I see couples and wonder if they know how lucky they are to have each other. Probably not; I didn't when I was part of a couple. I want him back. I want to hear him say, "Be careful out there" as I walk out the door.

I'm learning how to take care of things around the house, but I fight it every step of the way. I don't want to know how to operate a sprinkler system. I don't want to talk intelligently to an auto mechanic. I go to work, I manage the home, and I pay the bills. I'm simply going through the motions. I don't want to think about my future. It's too painful, but I have to. It's time to move on. It's time to begin the next chapter in my life, the chapter I alone control. I'm searching for some sense of peace. But where will I find it?

While surfing the Internet one day, I found myself on the web site of the East Bay Regional Park District. My eye caught the banner "Trails Challenge 2009. Hikes for All Seasons." It occurred to me that maybe I could connect with nature, do some soul searching, and get exercise at the same time. I read the details of the challenge and registered on line. The challenge is to take five hikes or walk 26.2 miles, by December 1, 2009. The district selected twenty, of the more than sixty parks in the East Bay for the challenge. With the help of Kaiser Permanente and the Regional Park Foundation, the challenge is free of charge. In an effort to go "green" the registration process is all on line at www.ebparks.org.

Once registered, I had access to a detailed guide. The guide included the length and degree of difficulty of each hike, and a brief history of the trail with turn-by-turn directions. When you complete the challenge, you are awarded a tee shirt and a commemorative pin. But for me, the reward was limitless.

My first chance for hiking a trail came early in January on an unseasonably warm and dry day. I chose the Duck Pond and Pickleweed Trails on the Martinez Regional Shoreline. The trail has 1.75 miles of flat paved or gravel walkways, perfect for a beginner. After parking in the ample free parking lot, the trail starts with a group of picnic areas and a large

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