by Michele Schrier

Created on: October 24, 2009   Last Updated: October 27, 2009

Parents have a difficult time knowing what to say to a person that is having a difficulty getting pregnant, especially when they got pregnant easy or by surprise. Since they have never been in this position (no pun intended), they have a difficult time thinking of something to say when confronted with this situation. My husband and I have gotten a whole train load of comments and suggestions:

It's just not your time.

Thank you Captain Obvious. I think that the lonely one line on the pee stick already made that clear. If it had been our time, I would have been giving happier news.

You can borrow mine anytime you want.

Playing mommy is going to ease the pain and the gapping chasm of grief, thank you for the offer. Flaunting success of reproduction is not a comfort at all.

A real man would have gotten the job done a long time ago.

My husband is a real man. First, I was the problem, not him. Second, it is not for a lack of trying or any other bedroom issue. This person was really insensitive in other areas too, so we shouldn't have been taken back by this comment. Infertility is a medical issue not a measure of manhood or womanhood.

You just need to relax.

We were relaxed before we knew it was a problem, so why didn't it work then? Infertility comes in stages. Most couples are messing around first without the thought of getting pregnant. Then, they get serious. Next, is the hope of a baby. Once the hope is tested by negative pregnancy test after another, that is when a couple realizes that they have a problem. Telling an infertile person to relax is like telling a hyper person to calm down. It has the opposite effect.

You are trying too hard.

How much do you see? Much of the work a couple will go through only to two of them are present for, and the other person that is involved is the Fertility Doctor.

It is not any easy topic to discuss, but please avoid the above comments and suggestions. One of the main problems with fertility issues is that the medication to fix the problem is messing with hormones. As if it doesn't hurt enough that you cannot have a baby with the person you are in love with, all of the medicine makes it so much more difficult. A simple best wish is a good approach.

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