by Raymond Doward

Created on: October 24, 2009   Last Updated: October 27, 2009

I have been working with disabled children for over 26 years and in those years of service I would like to give some helpful tips for new parents of special needs children. I have never personally parented a disabled child, but I "have" had the privilege of foster caring a special needs child for 4 years coupled with over 26 years of experience with the blind and multi-handicapped. In 1990 I became the father of a stillborn daughter who fell victim to gestational diabetes, and this lens is dedicated to my beautiful Brianna.

Working for all those years or should I say having been privileged to work with these gifted children allowed me to witness first hand the emotional stress that the parents of special needs children face. The stress of their child being labeled and misunderstood because they may have looked different or acted differently from the average child. There are people who don't understand how precious these children are because of the obvious disability itself distracting from who the children really are, a child who needs love, care, affection and attention just like any other child. For people who are looking at a disabled child from the outside and not being associated with them on a personal level may find it very easy to feel sorry for these children, but feeling sorry will only hinder the potential of the child and stop them from being everything that they can be. When I first started working with these children I felt sorry for them, but as time progressed I began to see what they had to offer in the form of their way of showing love, their gifts talents and abilities. I no longer saw them as disabled, but I had to remind myself, not to make too many demands on them, because they "were" disabled.

Patience is a must when dealing with a special needs child because the child may not be able to mentally process what is happening in their environment. It is important to explain to them what is about to happen before moving them so that they do not become startled. Even though a child may not be able to comprehend what is being communicated it does make a difference emotionally. Think of a parent talking to a newborn baby, obviously the baby cannot comprehend what the parent is saying, but there is an emotional connection that otherwise would not be without communication. Patience is birthed through frustration and disappointment.

There are no how-to manuals or educational information that can teach one how to have patience, but life teaches

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