by Jan Beukes

Created on: October 23, 2009

Money is one of the major causes of marriage problems and breakdown. When two people live together who have opposite attitudes towards spending, arguments and friction begin to bring a strain on the relationship.

In the early days of the relationship, before marriage, a spend-thrift partner will appear to be pleasantly generous and very popular. It would be very hard to anticipate what problems this can bring when a couple are young and have never had to share financial commitments before.

Once married or cohabiting, as soon as the other partner begins to feel bothered, or even angry, at his or her spouse's over-spending, this is the time to take action in the relationship. It is not wise to brew silently or hope the problem will disappear. The earlier on in the relationship a resolution can be sought, the better chance the marriage has of surviving this friction and the less repair work will need to be done on the finances. The following tips could throw a life-line:

* Arguing and nagging with negative statements do not usually solve anything. The first thing that needs to be done is to sit down together, when no one else is around, and talk the matter through. Because it will be a delicate subject, agree before you start that neither person will shout, argue or blame. Agree that you simply both have different ideas about money, but that an agreement is possible.

* Together, write down a budget of income and all household expenses. Very often, someone who has been used to the freedom of spending without responsibility has not ever worked to a budget before. This will help the over-spender to see what affect his or her over-spending will have on the overall household budget. If there are children in the family, the over-spending partner will be able to see how their spending could affect the needs of their children. Within this budget, if income allows, makes sure a savings budget is included for holidays, birthdays, Christmas, children's education and clothing etc. This is because it is at these expensive times that friction will arise when these demands cannot be met. Saving may be new to an over-spender and can bring a new sense of achievement as they see savings grow and they will not want to do anything that will be detrimental to these savings. If pensions are not provided through the couple's employment, then this is something else which will need to be looked at with the help of a financial advisor.

* Decide the best way to handle bank accounts.

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