by Kris Kennedy

Created on: October 23, 2009   Last Updated: October 28, 2009

Gift Giving Challenge

Relationships are a challenge and sometimes we need to give a gift to someone whom we hold ill feelings. The challenge comes from not wasting money on a gift that will perpetuate the feeling. If you work to give an appropriate gift rather than gift in reference to the relationship, you might even change the relationship.

Examine the process

Many organizations have secret sister or friends or Santa programs, the task may mean that you have to support a person who caused you problems, discomfort or disrespect. The advice that states a person should avoid returning a wrong for a wrong is true in this case as well. Putting yourself in the place of another person that you believe has serious defects causes us to reflect on maybe the challenges of the person.

In the process of trying to do positive things for a person on your avoidance list, you change your perspective. You are thinking about the person in a positive light. That does not mean you forget about the negative things this person might have done to you, but you try to show them your positive charitable nature. You might struggle to connect with the nature of this individual. While attempting to look at the person through his or her eyes, you might develop compassion if not an understanding.

Consequences

In the process, you illustrate your strength. Most people around you fully understand the challenge experienced by you with the person. Complaining about your unfortunate need to purchase a present for this person only places you in a bad light. If your circle of fellow employees, family or friends, see you being charitable your character points rise. Also, examine the consequence on the individual. The person most likely realizes the slights done to you. Think about the revenge you receive when they find out an enemy did the nice things for them or gave them such an appropriate gift. If he or she did not understand the slights, you still might have a consequence.

If you give an enemy a very appropriate gift, the enemy might want to show appreciation and you open lines of communication. Than the person might look into how the relationship had been in the past. You might have had the experience the surprise of a change of mindset. The person may not even know that you harbored ill feelings, but now you are communicating. It is easier to say thank you than to say I am sorry and you might have opened a door.

Revenge might be sweet, but charity builds for the future. Gift giving to an enemy is difficult, but possible.

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