by Robert P. Herbst

Created on: February 13, 2007   Last Updated: November 24, 2008

Race Car Drivers
In an on going effort to make sure no Mount Perry Resident is discriminated against for any recognized disability, The Mount Perry Race Car Drivers Association has made it mandatory to issue driving certificates to anyone who desires one a Race Car Drivers License.
The only exception to this rule was the Mount Perry town idiot, Yodar Hoopelhoffer. It was unanimously decided Yodar was just too stupid to put behind the wheel of any vehicle capable of powered movement, no matter how lucky he was. After all, there were the other drivers to consider, not to mention the millions of spectators..

Now, with the start of the big, "750 Mile Circle Track Race", only days away, hundreds of novice drivers have flooded the Mount Perry Race Drivers Practice Course, to train for the big event. This year the race course will circle Mount Perry in a spiral run upward to the 3,000 foot mark where the pits and pit crews are located.
The first leg of the race will be straight down the mountain side, on an approximately 30 degree incline to the base, where the racers will begin their spiral upward to the pits and winners circle.
There is a large tree at the first turn after the downhill straight of way. Naturally, this obstruction will add an element of excitement for the spectators and a great number of them have clustered behind the tree to view the cars taking their first turn.
The race cars will be started down the straight of way at intervals of one minute. This will make the race a test of speed rather than defensive driving skill. For the spectators, there are always those many points at which the spiral track crosses the straight of way. There intersections should prove interesting to even the most discriminating spectator.
Naturally, the race will be followed closely by the owners of the Mount Perry Salvage Yard and Vehicle Reclamation Center. Their tow trucks are always a welcome addition to our tracks maintenance and clean up crews. They also add an element of excitement as they park at the tracks many crossing points while attempting to pry the crashed vehicles apart.
We were all happy to see Hangover Smith participating. He is the worlds only quadruple amputee race car driver. Unfortunately, as he entered so late, he was able to make only one practice run. He managed to make a great score even though he was driving a completely untested voice activated computerized race car. This was his first try behind the wheel of his new super powered, jet propelled,

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