Pessimism permeates the state of matrimony in American society. Sadly it is common knowledge that the divorce rate in America typically hovers around fifty percent. According to a report issued by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, 63% of children are not raised by both biological parents. With statistics like these, people are desperate to find ways to beat the statistics and make their marriage work.
There are simple ways a couple can safeguard their marriage against divorce. These ways can help the strongest or weakest of marriages. It is never too soon to implement methods of strengthening one's marriage. It is best not to wait till struggle finds you, but go on the defensive to keep it at bay.
First couples need to get the notion of escaping the difficulties of marriage via divorce out of their thinking. If both agree divorce will not be an option for their marriage, then they are more likely not to entertain and employ such thoughts. According to the National Center for Health Statistics of 2002, 15% of second marriages end in divorce after three years and 25% after five years. There is simply little hope in a second marriage and it is always best for the whole family to work through the difficulties together than to endure them again with a new spouse.
Secondly marriage is not designed to be sustained in isolation. Couples need the support and community of other couples and mentors to maintain vitality in their marriages. Surround yourself with friends who will support your marriage. If your friends are quick to side with you against your spouse instead of in support of your relationship as a couple, they are not the ones who will help you stay married. Married couples need to spend time with mature married couples who are deeply committed to their marriages and to supporting their friends in theirs. Keeping such friends around will keep a relational force field surrounding your marriage so when you run to your friends with problems they point you to answers that keep you married rather than helping you toward divorce.
Thirdly good communication skills are a must. Husbands and Wives need to learn to talk about the things that are bothering them before they explode into arguing about them. It is so much easier to have a rational productive conversation about a problem area before emotions get so intertwined communication is lost. Asking those supportive friends to mediate when emotions are flaring can help diffuse and resolve the problem. Sometimes just choosing to step back from the emotions of the situation and remember your love for each other can help you to regain your rationality.
Fourth, remember marriage is full of good times too. Have fun in your marriage. Find creative ways to enjoy life together. Go on dates together. Send the kids to their grandparents or aunt and uncle's house one night each week and make that night date night. Remember the things you loved doing before you got married and keep doing them while married. Couples must guard against marriage being a roommate situation where the daily chores of life are shared, but fun and love are absent. Leave thoughtful notes for each other or pick up gifts now and then for each other. Do what brought fun times to your relationship as it was just budding to keep it blossoming. Be sure to take time to enjoy each other in all things no matter the trials of life.
Ignore marital doomsayers. People who have nothing good to say about marriage, are not worth listening to, especially if you want to have a lasting marriage. Most couples will have heard people griping about marriage. Do not listen to anyone who speaks without hope. If they have no hope for marriage, they have no right giving marital advice. Marriage is hard work, but it is also rewarding and satisfying.
These are just a few of the many simple ways to give marriage life and longevity. They work for all marriages and can keep divorce at bay. Any couple that really wants to make marriage work can do so irrespective of any national statistics. It takes commitment and love, always remembering that both are constant moment by moment choices which will be greatly rewarding if lived out consistently. It is possible to stay married and love being married, just make your mind up to keep your focus on that truth and surround yourself with likeminded friends.