by sunseed

Created on: October 21, 2009   Last Updated: October 27, 2009

Divorce is right up there in one of the most emotionally trying and stressful situations that a family could endure. This situation is even more painful when children are involved. Because of the children, the grandparents often become more affected by the divorce than they would otherwise.

All too often the grandparents lose much of their cherished time that they normally spend with their grandchildren. This is most evident in the event that the custodial parent is not the grandparent's own child. Often the non-custodial parent only has the children every other weekend. In many cases, visitation is even more restricted. And even sadder, there are cases where the non-custodial parent is either incarcerated or has no interest in spending time with the children. These situations are difficult for the grandparents and other family members but more than anything, it is the children that suffer the most of all.

Children love their grandparents but also important, they NEED their grandparents. Never do they need them more than in situations where the parents are not together. Grandparents role in their grandchildren's lives are almost as vital as the parent's. In most states the importance of a grandparents role is recognized in the courtroom. Grandparent's do have legal rights and they need to step forth and exercise those rights if need be for the sake of the children.

The grandparents may not feel comfortable going to court to see that their rights to see their own grandchildren are granted. There are some things they can do to possibly avoid having to go to such an extreme. They can remain neutral throughout the divorce procedure. Of course it is natural for them to be supportive of their own child but they should not get emotionally involved in the divorce. In other words....Do not make enemies with your child's ex!

Even if they do not approve of the behavior of their child's soon to be ex, it is to their benefit and that of the children to keep the relationship civil. They should talk to the parent and let it be known that they still would like to spend time with their grandchildren. They should try to keep communication open with the custodial parent so that they are comfortable making contact and setting up a visit or even stopping by and visiting the kids in their own home. When I was going through a divorce, I went out of my way to make it clear to my in-laws that they were always welcome to stop by or call anytime at all that they wanted to see the kids. Not every parent will think to do this. Sometimes the grandparents are so caught up in the divorce that they become the other parent's enemy every bit as if they were experiencing the divorce. They may have their very valid reasons for being angry but if they want to be a positive role model in their Grandchildren's lives then it would be strongly advised for them to hold their negative feelings in check.

For those who have been denied your rights as a grandparent, you have to get pro-active. Take the child's custodial parent to court and get the visitation rights that you deserve. I am a grandparent and I would fight to the end of the world and then some to be able to see my grandchildren if they were being denied me. As much as you might hate to rock the boat, maybe you must rock it. You are not just doing this for yourself. You are doing it for the children.

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