by Carmel Brulez

Created on: October 21, 2009

We all need worthwhile, healthy relationships to complete us and make our lives more than just a lonely existence. Those of us who are married seek certain things from our spouse. We are making a very important commitment to them and giving them a lot of our time so we have a right to ask for certain things in return. In a good marriage both would have discussed what they are putting into and getting from the relationship BEFORE they married, or they would be so in tune and on the same wavelength they do not need to as the whole thing is a relationship of giving to someone who cares and does not take you for granted. Let us look at what we should be able to receive from a spouse:-

We should be sure our spouse trusts us and is trusthworthy in return. We should not have to wonder if they are flirting with someone else, or worse, or why they suddenly disappeared for a week. In return they trust us and know we are faithful to them. We should be able to be sure that our spouse has earnt and deserves that trust and is faithful to us, as we are faithful to them.

We have a right to be sure our spouse respects us. That means that they want what is best for us when it comes to happiness, work, money, family or your own relationship with them. Your spouse would put your needs before their own and want to safeguard what you need and what you want from the marriage and from everything else in the World which they have some sort of input into or control. That means your spouse never hits you, calls you names, steals from you or puts another before you. A spouse who respects you pulls their weight with paying the bills, doing housework, looking after the children and being polite to our family and friends. A partner who respects us works as a team with us, not pulling against us or preferring to be with someone else.

You should have a spouse who is good company, fun to be with, excitement, romantic, caring and loving. Someone who remains the person you fell in love with. Not someone who changes and becomes boring, detached or distant. Someone who is romantic and who we can have a good love life with. When the love life is right most of the rest falls into place. When it goes wrong most of the rest goes wrong.

We have a right to know our spouse is taking their commitment to us seriously. They have committed for life and as far as we know there is no reason that will ever change. Even if we one day separate and maybe end up divorced, they should act as if we are the only person they are in this type of relationship with until then.

We are all entitled to a spouse who is honest with us and never lies to us. When a partner lies to us a barrier starts to grow, a distance forms and eventually we become like two strangers. Good communication is vital, where both can say how they feel, what they think, what they need and want.

If a marriage has this it is unlikely to end in divorce or the marriage becoming stale or boring.

You have a right to expect your partner to be

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