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Reflections: Losing a loved one

by Dallas Burkham

Created on: October 21, 2009


Please take off your shoes. The officer looked at me in hesitation. I slipped off my shoes and put them in the bucket. I had no jewelry to take off because grandma told me not to wear any-they didn't allow it. I stepped in front of the metal detector in my jeans, socks and red T-shirt. My hair was straight and I curled my bangs for him. The last time I had seen him I was twelve with missing teeth and the bangs of a little girl. Now, at 16, I walked through the doors of Burlington Detention Center-the Residence of my father.


As I stepped through the metal detector, the officer took my mom's ID along with my Grandmas and handed them red 'Visitor' tags that they clipped on their shirts as the rest of the family walked through the same detector I did. It was my grandma, my mom, my little brother and me. I wondered if any of them were as nervous as I was. I could feel it all up inside my skin- nervousness, excitement, joy, sadness, pain and fulfillment. The officer stamped our hands and we walked into a hallway with a metal gate at the end. I looked around the white walls and cream colored floor. There were posters on the wall about making good choices and taking responsibility. My family was talking to each other, joking and trying to lighten up the intensity of this day. Not me. I was trying to laugh but it seemed every time I tried to smile, the lump in my throat grew bigger. I don't know if I can do this. I thought to myself. I felt hopeless in so many ways.


A friendly woman walked over to me and I handed her my shoes. She dug in them for anything out of the ordinary. Then she asked me how I was as she patted me down and felt around in my hair. With my arms out and my heart pounding, all I could think about was the fact that in just a few excruciatingly nerve-racking minutes, I would be face to face with him. I'm pretty good. I said quietly. But I could tell that she saw it in my face. I was terrified. I didn't know what to think about the whole situation. What would we talk about? What would he look like? Would he smell the same as he always did? My mind raced. I thought about the last day I saw him. I was mad at him because he was trying to explain to me something I thought I already knew- How I should always watch around me because things happen in an instant and 90 percent of the time you can't take it back. I Remember, he tried to hug me bye and I was mad so I didn't hug him like I wish I would have. I was only able to pick one parent to walk me

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