by S.E. Ingraham

Created on: October 20, 2009

There is an old German Proverb that says, A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

That proverb, in a nutshell, exemplifies what happens when you use punishment, especially if you are punishing a child.

Oh, he may mind you. In fact, he probably will, especially if the child is young. The child will likely even appear to respect your authority.

But respect and fear are two very different emotions, and children that grow up in an atmosphere of fear because they are brought into line by a system of punishments, don't learn much more than to fear the punisher and the punishment.

On the other hand, children that are disciplined ah, that is a different matter altogether.

First, a quick glance at the meaning of the two words.

Punish and/or punishment: www.merriam-webster.com shows these words' fourteenth century origins as being from the Middle English, Anglo French and Latin roots, all of which show as a base - penalty, infliction for wrongdoing, and pain.

Discipline's etymology is from the thirteenth century, and also derives from Middle English, Anglo-French and Latin: from the Latin disciplina teaching, learning; and from discipulus pupil. (also www.merriam-webster.com)

Not too surprisingly, punishment is about controlling behaviour while discipline is about guidance and teaching, promoting self-control.

Of the two, discipline is the more difficult method of child-rearing as it requires thought, patience, planning, and consistency - in other words, involved parenting.

Is punishment really easier? On the surface, perhaps it appears so. There is a multitude of ways to punish. Anything used to control behaviour is considered punishment.

Among types of punishment recognized by psychologists and social workers today:

Physical: Hitting, spanking, slapping, paddling, using a belt or hair brush etc. Verbal: Ridiculing, shaming, belittling, using cruel words With-holding rewards: - e.g. you can't have this unless you do that Penalizing: e.g. because you did that wrong, you can't have this

Why is punishment easier than discipline? Because parents don't have to think, just react. It's often used by parents who don't know any other methods, or who think it's the only way to bring their children up right.

Angry parents that hit are often venting and, quite simply, punishment asserts the adult's control instantly.

When a parent uses discipline, the goal is to encourage the child to think before he acts. Barbara Coloroso, noted author and educator, in her book Kids are worth It (Penguin Group 2001) states her idea of discipline: giving life to a child's learning.

Coloroso outlines four things that discipline does that punishment cannot:

- Shows children what they have done wrong

- Gives them ownership of the problem

- Helps them find ways of solving the problem

- Leaves their dignity intact.

Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline writes, Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make our children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?

Indeed the difference between punishment and discipline lies right there.

Punishment is designed to hurt, penalize, and make the offender feel bad, but not really teach them anything other than to avoid getting punished again. It fails to take into account any real learning experience and often is about controlling the person, teaching them what to think, not how to think.

Discipline is designed to guide, teach, and help the offender learn to take responsibility for their actions.

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