A time-out can be an effective discipline strategy for children if used in combination with other strategies and loads of positive reinforcement. The time-out is only effective if applied correctly and requires some restraint and emotional control on the parent's part.
The purpose of the time-out is to extinguish poor behavior, teach discipline, and provide you, the parent, with a break to compose yourself. Good discipline in children is defined as responding quickly and appropriately to a command or situation. The time-out supports and teaches good discipline.
After years of teaching karate and using this technique on children, I discovered many of the do's and don'ts of time-outs and a very simply and successfully way to apply it.
Don'ts
*Don't call the time-out area a naughty chair because in time this could make your child believe they are just a naughty kid which will lead to escalating poor behavior. Remember, the purpose is to stop the behavior and give you a break.
*Don't get angry. This is where the emotional control comes in. Remember, that it's a teaching experience and not worth getting angry over. This technique will not work if you do it with an angry tone. You should do it with a nonchalant attitude.
*Don't over-explain or lecture. Lectures create power struggles and should be avoided. I will show you how use quick statements to teach your expectations of the child.
Here's the three step process for effectively applying a time-out.
1. Provide Limited Options This is basically a warning phrased as a question with consequences for not complying attached. I plan these questions in advance because as parents, you deal with the same situations over and over. For example, Johnny, do you want to keep your hands to yourself or sit quietly in the cool down area?
Notice, you provide two options and states the expected behavior. Most kids will pick to keep their hand to themselves. After that, you add, Okay, if you do it again, you will need to go to the time-out area. This sets the child up for going to the time-out area and they already agreed to the consequence if they do it again.
Remember, that you should pose the question with a nonchalant attitude. By the way, this step alone will resolve about 80% of the problems. Give yourself a pat in the back for successful setting boundaries in step one.
2. The Time-out If the child tests the boundaries set in step one, then it's time to send them to time-out. When applying this step, I act as if the child lost a game and I was on his side. For example, Well Johnny, you touch your brother again. I guess you'll need to sit in the cool down area. At this point, you walk them over to the area. I'll even add, It too bad that you could keep you hands to yourself. I use a statement like this to express that I was rooting for them, but that they agreed to sit if it happened again.
As for time, I agree that the number of minutes should relate to their age, but it's not necessary to be exact. It's more important to get the child to a submissive state of mind.
3. The Release On the release, I pose other question that reaffirm their commitment to the good behavior. For example, Johnny, are you ready to join us without touching your brother? Of course, they said yes.
After releasing them, don't talk anymore about the incident ~ that's lecturing. You have already established your expectations. I treat the incident as time served and move on. Also, this is time to catch them doing something good. After the time-out, the child will be on their best behavior. This is a perfect opportunity to catch them doing something good so give them heaps of positive reinforcement to send them on the path towards positive behavior.