Helping your child to bounce back from setbacks has to begin early. As your child gets older, he/she can better come to grips with disappointment, if you begin by setting a good example. Let them experience some of your minor disappoinments and how you acknowledge your sadness. At the same time, let them see your attitude is something like, "well, it's not the end of the world and I can always try again."
As parents, we wish we could protect our child from every sort of disappointment, and at the same time, we know this is impossible. By helping your child to see their setbacks as a sometime-consequence of all ages, they will not develop a negative outlook nor be forever emotionally crushed from a setback.
The hardest years to help your child through possible setbacks are the teens. A child, growing up in many ways, can be somewhat moody due to hormonal and other changes. And so if your child is struggling with a setback, be kind, patient and supportive. Teenage angst is very real to them. They are emotionally maturing and can feel a setback is "the end of the world."
If your teen was looking forward to becoming a cheerleader or picked for a certain sport, and they had their heart set on it, and they do not make the team, try the following.
1. Fully acknowledge your child's setback. Do not sugar-coat the situation. Agree with them, this was a huge loss...because that is how they truly feel.
2. Give them their space (time to adjust) to the setback. Do not offer another solution right away, and obviously we can't smoothe things over with a cookie.
3. Without being too obvious, try to encourgae your teen to broaden their outlook by pointing out other school fun activities. If he/she is especially good in some aspect; drama club, debate team, a different sport, encourage them to head in that direction.
4. Do not take the setback personally, if your teen yells and expresses anger, tears. This just releases their emotional energy and will speed the healing up in the long run.
5. When your teen does succeed with something that was important to them, give them praise. However, make sure you include plenty of sincere praise for other minor things that your child or teen deserves. A growing ego needs support to mature more fully.
Setbacks are a part of life, as we are well aware of. A child or teen can get through disappointment when they have your support, encouragement and most of all by observing how you handle your personal setbacks. Keeping an optimistic and realistic attitude will help your son or daughter understand, that just because you do not succeed in one area, does not doom you to failure in another.