by Dee Devers

Created on: October 20, 2009

For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. These are vows that a lot of couples so methodically take. You stroll through life working through every day ups and downs. Reflecting on your marriage you remember when there was not enough money to pay the electric bill. You remember when your spouse was so upset because you did not give the correct answer to one of those do or die questions. Surely things like this must be the Worst part in for better or worse! In sickness and in health surely that refers to the times when you had the flu and and your spouse cared for you with the same empathy and loving concern that your Mother used to. That is as bas as it gets, right?

Then suddenly one day you find yourself in a very small office , just you and your spouse and a physician you have only met once before. This physician tells you the love of your life has lung cancer and goes into a spiel about treatment options and quality of life. You never really heard much after "lung cancer" a kind of deafening ring was in your ears and a numbness came over your body. It was surreal.

After a very risky surgery your spouse whom has always taken care of you and always been so strong is no longer able to be that person. Your spouse needs you to care for them literally. Bathing, dressing, medications, doctor's appointments. You are suddenly thrust into unfamiliar territory and you do not have you best friend, your spouse to help. It is all you. This is the for better or worse. This is the in sickness and in health. Your spouse is fighting for their life.You are fighting for your spouse.

All the red tape and foreign terminology along with a stead fast title of nurse and care giver are all your's. Become an advocate for your partner and enlist all the friends and family you can to help. Become just what you are a partner in life a partner in crisis. Reassure your spouse that you are there for them. Your partner will typically have an overwhelming sense of being a burden. Life has changed as you know it.

Search out support groups and couples dealing with the same tough issues that you are. Rely on your health care givers for resources and outlets. Some spouses left to their own devices will feel self pity and even a sense of resentment for the ill partner. Work through this as a team. Devise a game plan, a health care team and emotional and spiritual support. This may never be the same but it is not the time to stop living. Enjoy your relationship. Remember the good times. Work through the bad times and savor the good times that are still there. Help your spouse fight whatever illness may come their way. Enjoy life even if it has changed. Live for each moment and thank God for your time together.

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