by Timo Cerantola

Created on: October 19, 2009

Are you a Dick? Take this quiz and find out.

Am I a dick? (Don't answer yet, though I think I know what your response will be).

It's a question we all should ask ourselves for, at times, we are all guilty of a little shameful if not disgraceful behavior. For some, being a dick has become their 'modus-operandi' if not their life's purpose.

Indeed, in this selfish, greedy, dog-eat-dog world, the 'dick population' seems to be increasing exponentially - and not just on Wall Street with its many miscreant money traders or in the halls of government that overflow with a gangrenous, noxious filth that pretends at public service. No, 'dicks' now permeate society at every level - at work, school, church, the grocery store, drive-thru restaurants and especially, whilst driving on the freeway.

And so, I have devised a quiz that will help you determine where the dicks are in your life and, perhaps determine what your friends and relatives have thought about you for many years.

So be warned, if you answer too many of these questions correctly; you are a likely a dick and, a prime candidate for membership in ARSE (Association of Repugnant Swine and Evil-malcontents). This is nothing to be proud of.

Question #1.

You are driving in the passing lane on the freeway at 45 mph. Traffic is piling up behind you but hey, you can't go any faster because you're text messaging your wife, typing on your laptop, having a nice sip of your coffee latte supremo and picking your nose all at the same time. There you are, just cruising along the highway in all your macho splendor with your Global Positioning System bleeping out road directions and your stereo blaring WHEN, all of a sudden some impatient driver has the temerity to honk his horn at you, trying to get you to pull over so that he can pass. Do you...

a) Get out your cell phone and call a buddy to set up a golf date.

b) You'd like to help him out but you're too busy doing everything but driving responsibly.

c) Flip him "the bird."

If you answered "c" you are a dick! If you answered "a" - smooth move road warrior.

Question #2.

You are in a large department store when, over the public address system, they announce a 'blue light' half-price special on the toy "Mr. Poopy Bear" - a toy that you know your kid would kill for. Do you...

a) Immediately proceed to the sale area and courteously look for the end of the line, conducting your self in a civilized manner.

b) Dash to the sale area and quickly scoop up only a couple of the sale items

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