by Tammy Sandeen

Created on: October 18, 2009

No matter how good your friend is, how well meaning their advice, some things are simply none of their business. You want to keep your friend but would like some private parts left in your life. How do you balance friendship and your own life without offending them or upsetting yourself?

I have my opinions and if I share them, you are free to take what you want and ignore the rest.

Have a rule that works both ways. It has to go both ways. You can't get mad if they don't follow your advice and they can't get mad if you don't go their route. This allows you both to share but know that you aren't expected to solve each others issues or follow each other's advice.

What goes on in my home is my business unless I share it.

Don't ask, and unless you want to, don't answer. Come up with a polite way to divert nosey questions. If they ask a question that isn't something you feel up to sharing say something like, I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk about that. or We are handling that with in our home right now.

Remember that friends often follow each other's lead. If you ask about her love life then it is fair game for her to ask about yours. If there is one subject area you don't want to cover then don't ask about the mirror of it in her life.

Why don't you potty train little John?

Some well meaning questions are flat out rude. You can take the high road and answer calmly and honestly. Because John has a bowel problem that makes it difficult for him to know when he has to go. You can add more information then they really asked for and teach them that asking you personal questions may not be all that fun. Or you can point out that, frankly, it is none of their business.

I'm sorry but I'm busy right now.

If you need a break and some distance, take it. Sometimes you need to allow for a minute to chill out and figure out if this friend is trying too hard or is really out of line. Don't make the step back too long or too in the friends face. If you do, they will take it wrong and you may lose a good friend.

I understand you are concerned but.

Don't be afraid to tell your friend where your lines are. Be polite and respectful and you should be fine. If your friend doesn't understand or respect your position then they aren't truly a friend. You can't control your friends or their lives and you shouldn't try. They shouldn't try to control your life.

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