by Ferg Fontaine

Created on: October 18, 2009

I am not quite sure why people assume suicide is unforgivable; I have heard it mentioned that the individual committed murder of himself without asking forgiveness. Personally, this observation is quite heartless at best. When an individual has lived their life trying to manage mental illness, unbearable tragedy, or deep depression, the weight they have carried becomes far too heavy to bare. I believe this individual seeks solace in being able to remove him or herself from the ingredient, as though they are helping their family and society by removing their burdensome situation. The bottom line is, when a person finds themselves distraught with heartache and pain, the thought of being able to move past the pain appears to them an impossibility.

Last week I received a message from my cousin that she needed my help; the message was so crazy with misspelled words and incomplete sentences that I called my Aunt to ask if everything was alright. Let me paint a picture of my cousin; she had experienced the worst that this life could offer in the early days of her childhood, only to have her adult life continue with the same horrific scenario. Abuse by men, which started with her father and continued with strangers and loved ones alike. Mentally she battled with her own self perception a great deal, she was continually trying to convince herself and others of her worth. The problem with this is that she never knew it was not necessary, she is very beautiful and loves like no one I've ever known. Passionate towards family and friends to an extreme, not wanting others to ever feel unloved, not if she could help it. She spoke to everyone she met that she loved them, and God loves them.

The next day after I received the email I received an additional email from her; this one was more confusing than the first and portrayed deep concern for the safety of a loved one. Most of the words in the message were misspelled, the sentences were incomplete and didn't make complete sense leaving the reader, me, to fill in the blanks. Immediately I called my sister and asked her to read the message and tell me what she understood from it. I had a meeting and was "too busy" to stop and make a phone call. I will forever regret the choice I made on that day to make my meeting the more important task at hand. My sister made the call and spoke to her, she said she made no sense and rushed off the phone almost hanging up on my sister. She said some things that did not make sense, and my sister

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