by Lydia Fuller

Created on: October 17, 2009   Last Updated: October 18, 2009

Living with Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia

My hands are sweating. My whole body is shaking. I am dizzy, short of breath and nauseous. My chest hurts, feels like a heart attack. Is it? I don't know. I can't feel my hands. I can't think. My pulse is almost 200. Should I call 911? I feel like I'm dying.

This is an example of what one panic attack episode can be like. Having all of those symptoms at once can be quite overwhelming. Sometimes they last a few minutes my longest was six hours. Yes, you read that right. Six hours of pure hell. The feeling that every second is your last.

Panic disorder can be diagnosed when you have repeated panic attacks. Panic disorder with agoraphobia, which is what I ended up with, is when you want to stay in what I call safe places in case you do end up having a panic attack. I can't think of many things more embarrassing than screaming for someone to call you an ambulance while standing in the check-out at Wal-Mart. With panic attacks, you get a fight-or-flight response, and I couldn't tell you how many places I have ran out of. When I say ran, I mean Olympic gold medalist style. Blink and I'm gone.

Panic disorder with agoraphobia is like having your brain put you in a mental prison. Sure, you want to go to a concert, or to the movies, or hop on a plane and go on the vacation you've always dreamt of. Will you? Probably not. You are too afraid you might have a panic attack in front of all of those people. I want to fly overseas so bad, but there is no way I will get on an airplane. What if I have a panic attack mid-flight? Would they have to land the plane? My life consists of many what ifs now. I rarely leave my house. When I first started having symptoms I felt my life was over. What is the point of living if you are never going to experience life outside of your home.

Now don't go thinking my life is terrible. I probably have more things at my house, entertainment wise, than the average person. I still have friends, they just come to my house if they want to see me. I wait for movies to come out on DVD instead of going to the theatre. I shop online. My church has a web cast of the services. There are also a few people I feel completely safe with, who have been around me and experienced what I am like when I am having a panic attack, so I feel safer going out with them just in case.

There is also medication for panic disorder. Benzodiazepines such as Xanax, Klonopin, Tranxene and Ativan work quite well. They will not completely

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>