by Tammy Sandeen

Created on: October 17, 2009

Nobody says being a parent is easy. It is hard to deal with an illness in our little baby because we cannot just kiss it away. We want to wrap them in bubble wrap to keep their knees without scrapes. We stand guard over their first days at school to make sure they get through them ok. We feel the things our children feel, sometimes worse then they do.

As our children's protective force, we sometimes forget that they need to go through some of the hard things to grow into healthy, wise, well-rounded adults. It is our goal to see them grow into the best people they can be and that means letting them fail from time to time.

In order for a child to learn to walk, they have to fall. To learn to keep walking they need to learn to get up and try again. If you are always there picking them up then they cannot do it on their own.

That does not mean a parent backs so far off that the child does not also learn to trust that if they need someone, someone will be there. You have to have a balance between being there and letting them live their own life.

So how do you know if you are being too protective or too far back? Your child comes to you and tells you about the bully on the bus and you figure that there are different ways you can handle it. Which one of those options you do is your answer.

You listen an offer your child suggestions on how to resolve the issue. A week later, you check back in on things. If there is still an issue, you offer to help. This is a nice balanced response. It is also the hardest to do.

You listen and make the right noises but are thinking of the ball game you have to watch later. You send the kid on the bus the next morning only thinking of the cup of coffee waiting on the counter. That is too far back for the good parenting award.

You listen as your gut clenches and you mind races. You get on the phone to the bus garage, the principle, and the mayor looking to do the bully in. The next day you either drive the poor kid to school and walk them to their class, where you then talk to the teacher and half of the other parents that made the mistake of being there at the same time as you or you find the kid's parents and deliver a punch in the nose for raising such a monster. A lot of craziness that teaches the kid that they cannot do it themselves and that you will always clean up after them. That will be fun when the kid is a whiny thirty year old wanting you to support him when his boss fires him for the tenth time.

Success or fail, the experiences teach children some important lessons. These lessons are very important growing opportunities. They learn to stand on their own, how to deal with adversity, the right and wrong ways to handle things. They learn that they can climb back up when something knocks them down.

Failing may be hard but it is as important as succeeding. Let your child grow by being there but only as close as they truly need you to be. Let them stumble but be close enough to lend a hand up if they need it. Moreover, remember that a hand up is not the same as a hand out or doing it for them.

Learn more about this author, Tammy Sandeen.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.